I fell in love with Shawn Johnson at the Beijing Olympics. With her infectious smile, wholesomely humble attitude and fierce competitive stare, she vaulted her way into my heart, and the heart of an entire nation–and it didn’t hurt that she brought home gold for the good ol’ U.S.A. Like Kristy Yamaguchi before her, Johnson has taken the mantle of American Sweetheartdom, and has worn it with distinction.
I love Shawn Johnson, but I don’t love her because that would be creepy. I’m a balding thirty-something, and she’s just a kid.
Much in the same way she slayed Chinese gymnasts in Beijing last summer, Johnson is currently destroying B- to C-level celebrities on this season’s Dancing with the Stars (I mean, I don’t watch the show, but my mom does). Unfortunately, the 17-year-old had a bit of a scare at a recent taping of the program.
Robert O’Ryan, 34, allegedly jumped a fence at CBS Studios in L.A. where the show was filming, but was caught by security. Johnson’s mother, Teri, requested and received a temporary restraining order from the L.A. Superior Court on Wednesday.
Approached by security while roaming the studio grounds, O’Ryan admitted he was attempting to meet Johnson, but after Johnson was contacted and said she didn’t know O’Ryan, he changed his story and said he was there to meet Steve-O, according to court documents. No one in Steve-O’s group knew O’Ryan, either.
O’Ryan allegedly told LAPD that he had “packed all his belongings and permanently left Florida to drive out here to be with [Johnson],” Teri Johnson wrote in the request for a restraining order.
Authorities discovered Johnson memorabilia and two loaded guns in O’Ryan’s car–because nothin’ says lovin’ like packin’ a little extra heat.
In the recent issue of Submerge (issue #30, out now in our sexy new orange boxes/racks things), I wrote about Josef Fritzl, who dwarfs O’Ryan by a billion times on the scale of prickdom. But I always wonder what makes people like these go from average Joe to complete fucking wackadoo. Is it environment, upbringing, genetics? Maybe they really, really wanted that Hess truck growing up. I know I did. Good thing I got one.
If you’d like to stalk Shawn Johnson in a healthy and socially acceptible way, read her blog.
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