Opinion

Mitt Happens

Remember back in 2012? It was a simpler time. We were choosing between Mitt Romney and incumbent Barack Obama for the highest office in the land. I’m sure we rolled our eyes a lot, maybe at both candidates, but as far as we know, neither of them ever had to…

Funny Business

At this point, I feel like I know Michael Avenatti well enough that I feel as though I should send him a Christmas card or something this year. I don’t really like or dislike the man, but every time I turn on the TV, there he is with that steely…

Privileged Information

Being the personal attorney for the President of the United States certainly has its perks, but getting raided by the FBI is probably not one of them. Unfortunately for Michael Cohen, this is now his life. Cohen is reportedly under criminal investigation over his personal business dealings, whatever that means….

Take Me Out to the LOL Game

It’s always a great relief to me when the baseball season starts. I’m not sure why since I’m a lifelong New York Mets fan, and just about every season plays out like a 162-act tragedy, with each painful disappointment more excruciating than the last. But I’ve long suspected that I’m…

Sold Out Again

Black Panther looks like a great movie. I love the action, adventure, story and diversity portrayed in the previews and clips I’ve seen online. From what I’ve heard, it’s quite possibly the best Marvel movie yet. Unfortunately, I’ll probably have to wait until it comes to On Demand to see…

Growing Pains

The human body is an amazing thing, until it’s not. As I get older, mine seems to work less well and often actively against me in ways that I couldn’t have imagined in my youth. The scary part is this can happen to you, too! If our bodies are supposed…

The Most Violent Element in Society Is Ignorance

I was going to write this column about the Hobo Johnson controversy or some other meaningless bullshit, but I’m pissed. Pissed that another young black man, 22-year-old Stephon Clark, was gunned down by Sacramento Police. Pissed that there aren’t more protesters on the streets. Pissed that centrists stay silent, waiting…

Finding the Perfect Man(’s Best Friend)

You’ve seen them strutting around Midtown, tap-tapping their feet like they own the block, looking at this tree or that tree—much in the same way you do when you ask yourself, “Would this leaf pattern look good on Instagram?” You’ve gawked at them shamelessly (seriously, put your eyes back in…

C.R.E.A.M.

It is inarguable that the Wu-Tang Clan is made up of geniuses. They have multiple classic albums under their belts and managed to fleece pharma-bro Martin Shkreli out of $2 million for an exclusive copy of their double album, Once Upon a Time in Shaolin. Wu-Tang created an empire that…

The Flusher King

I suppose I should start this with a bit of a warning: You may consider this an “over share.” However, I think it’s important that you should know. Last night I had a lengthy ordeal with my toilet bowl. It wasn’t a messy affair, but it was annoying nonetheless. You…