Opinion

Beto Bye Bye

Before you read the title of this column and think I’m being facetious, I should point out that I think Beto O’Rourke is a pretty cool dude. I contributed to his campaign for the U.S. Senate, more because I—like many people in America (including his colleagues from his own party)—think…

Reality Acid

I usually start out my writing process for this space by doing a quick perusal of Google News. Lately, “a quick perusal” has turned into a lightning-fast peek. As you may or may not have noticed, there’s been no shortage of headlines lately to get me riled up enough to…

Whistleblowin’ and Cooking Grease

I’m really hesitant to write anything about the official (was it always official?) impeachment inquiry into the president (what exactly is an official inquiry?) and the ever-developing “whistleblower”/Ukraine phone call scandal, because everything seems to be unfolding so quickly. Just before I started writing this, I found out that the…

“It’s just a bunch of Hocus Pocus”

Ah, ‘tis the season for cardigans, crispy fall leaves, frosty windshields and pumpkin spice everything. Hello, October! I greet you with a cautious high five, because, you know, climate change. It’s still going to be in the 80s and 90s for a minute. But I won’t complain—in my home state…

Netflix and Despair

My wife and I are having a great night in. I bought us a bottle of our favorite chianti, and she cooked an amazing dinner (chickpea spaghetti in a tomato, basil and mushroom sauce that was seriously out of this world). For some reason, we’re commemorating this wonderful night of…

The 300 Coolest Things About Sacramento (A Poem)

Looking at the squirrels in my backyard while the cool Delta breeze kisses my face The purple explosion sunsets look better than anything I’ve ever seen Always lights, from the Halloween decorations in The Fabulous Forties To the Christmas twinkles swallowing up T Street The magic of nature and the…

Cue the Confetti … Just Don’t Make a Mess

I realize the mood of this space has been somewhat dour of late. This may lead you to believe that I’m a grouchy, old prick most of the time. The truth is the opposite. I’m usually disgustingly jovial. So much so that I’m surprised I haven’t written a column about…

300th

When this article was born, like all articles in Submerge, it was inspected. If it had been short or pun-ny or (sic)-ly or unjustified, it would have been kicked back for edits. From the time it could be read, its writer was baptized in the fires of critique; taught never…

And Now for a Bit of Optimism

It’s becoming increasingly likely that the popular chain restaurant, Rainforest Cafe, will lose its relevance with future generations. This probably won’t be much of a problem considering that if the rainforest keeps burning, there most likely won’t be many future generations anyway … Look, I’m doing my best to find…