Opinion

A New National Pastime

It could be the sound. The noise rises as you approach the door. It sounds almost like drums before battle. It’s appropriate, really; after all, this is no mere game. Your attacks must be planned and precise, your weapon chosen wisely. If all goes to plan, that beautifully colored 8-…

The Chocolate Factory

I’m toeing a difficult line between gym rat and fat ass. I’ve gotten quite hooked on going to the gym, but I can’t stop myself from eating. In fact, I think I eat more now than ever. Is that a good thing? I keep hearing that you should eat more…

All That Jazz

I hate Sundays more than any other day. It’s not so much because it’s the end of the weekend and it signifies that oft-maligned Monday looms ever closer. I like Mondays. I like working. I’m sure that makes me somewhat of a freak; but believe me, that’s just one thing…

Father Time

We literally live and die at the hands of a machine. Each day when you wake up, your first inclination is to check the time. You do the same almost every night when you set your alarm before bed. We used to keep it in our pockets, but now we…

This is Jeopardy!

Like most well- to highly educated people in the world, I like to think of myself as a smarty pants. I find that I often have to limit the flow of the font of information that will gush from my brain and out of my mouth so I don’t sound…

In a Perfect World

Wants… desires… we all have them. We wake up early most mornings, get dressed and venture out in the pursuit of these things… these ideas of perfection. The game of life does its best to throw up roadblocks on our road to eternal happiness. And every time, we think how…

Let me holla at cha!

What do I got to do? Your boy is about to be the big 3-0 and I’m still single. Oh I’ve tried… even came pretty close once, but it just ain’t happening for me. I probably won’t be in People’s “Sexiest Men” issue any time soon, but I’m not ugly….

Deal with the Devil

If you read this column at all, you know I’m into metal. So by proxy, that makes me a bit interested in Satan. It’s an interest, but not a full-blown obsession. I’m not going to start conducting séances, fucking with ouija boards or burning black candles on the Sabbath. That…

Resolutions

Who are we kidding here? You’ve said the same shit for the past five years and still nothing has changed. You are X but strive to be Y, and this year it’s gonna happen. Frankly, we are all tired of hearing about it. No one wants to see you go…

Do It Right Next Time

Another holiday season has passed. This is always a difficult time of year for me. It’s back to work, back to reality and 12 more months before it once again becomes socially acceptable to say fuck off to all responsibility and eat and booze as much as your heart desires….