Opinion

Will IPO for Food

I’ve never thought I had a head for business. Honestly, I’ve never really tried. I’m not sure if it’s poor self-confidence, or simply being confident in knowing that I’d probably muck it all up drastically. It’s funny how those edges are so easily blurred. I admire people who do start…

The (Not So) Glamorous Life

They say the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, but what they don’t tell you is how your neighbor gets his lawn so goddamn green. I used to think it had something to do with the chemicals used, frequency of feeding, meticulousness of cutting and…

The Future Mrs. Chigger

You’ve heard about it in countless classics: “All you need is love,” “Somebody to love,” “Can’t help falling in love,” “When a man loves a woman.” There is a reason why we have so many songs about love. When everything around you seems to be falling apart or failing, love…

Spoiler Alert

Have you ever heard of a Luddite? Sure you have. In slang terms, it basically means a person is technophobic and rejects modern (see also: digital) improvements and standards. For example, I would say my grandma is an unwitting Luddite. She lives in rural Alabama, in a town so small…

I’ll Take Things That May Have to Be Removed for $1,000, Alex

So, like Thor dropping from the Heavens onto the battlefields of Wakanda, the Mueller Report (in redacted form) was released to the public. I spent much of Thursday and Friday morning listening to the usual punditry, but one commentator on CBS News (whose name escapes me, but her analysis was…

Game of Nos

It’s now or never. HBO premiered the first episode of the final season of Game of Thrones recently, and much of the world stopped doing whatever else it had going on to watch. Here is what we know: (SPOILER ALERT) Winter has officially come to Westeros and the army of…

They Keep Callin’ Me!

Children of the world today don’t know what they are missing. With the widespread adoption of Caller ID in the 1990s, an entire genre of hijinks was wiped out before millennials ever had a chance to experience it for themselves. Those of us born before then might still remember a…

The Law of the Jungle

I’d like to think that I learn from my mistakes. Last issue, right around this time, I began writing about the recently delivered Mueller report. In the midst of what I was typing, Attorney General William Barr showed up to work on a goddamn Sunday and threw everything I’d written…

Not So Grand Theft Auto

What would you do with just one digit of a license plate? Perhaps I should clarify: Let’s say you took a license plate and cut it vertically right before the last digit with a pair of tin snips. The piece you cut off would contain the last number of the…

Saving Throw Against the Speed of News in the Digital Age

I was starting to write this column about the Mueller report being submitted to the Attorney General. At the time, I only knew there were no further indictments recommended in an investigation that churned out roughly a billion of them, scored numerous convictions and spawned even more investigations. I didn’t…