Opinion

All the Fake News That’s Not Really Fit to Print, But Will Be Anyway

Americans, I am angry. Russia is being accused of using propaganda to influence our election and maybe even more. It appears that the Russian government is simply making up news in the hopes of influencing popular opinion on a variety of topics including this year’s presidential race. The Russians purportedly…

Rock of Ages

Fidel Castro died. I guess that’s 2016’s final feather in its cap. There have been a lot of famous deaths this year. The ones that got the most attention were beloved musical luminaries such as David Bowie, Prince and more recently Leonard Cohen. None of them, however much we loved…

Trumpworld

Far be it from me to question the intelligence of Elon Musk. The man created Tesla Motors and SpaceX and was one of the founders of PayPal. He is also a big supporter of Hyperloop technology and will soon revolutionize America’s power grid with his home battery system. On top…

The Echo Chamber

I’m sure every generation believes that they are going to be the one that dooms the planet. Perhaps we think this out of arrogance—like we’re so powerful and important that, on a whim, we could destroy this beautiful blue marble upon which we float around the cosmos. And sure, it’s…

Happy Christoweengiving!

The holiday season has been exhibiting signs of mission creep for years and it’s only getting worse. Despite Fox News’ complaints of a war on Christmas, I’ve seen candy canes, twinkling lights and Christmas trees in stores since the end of September. Such items share the shelves with plastic pumpkins,…

The Magical Fruit

Let’s forget that Election Day may very well be going on as you read this, and that people all over the country are actually voting for … that guy. Let’s forget that for a second, because there are even bigger problems in the world. Take, for instance, the avocado shortage….

Secrets Are So Last Century

This issue of Submerge will take you up until the day before Election Day. As you’re probably aware, this year is like the Super Bowl of elections because of the Celebrity Death Match-style presidential campaign, but besides that, there are a lot of things up for vote, such as state…

The Tangerine Dream?

Donald Trump is running for President of the United States and some people are actually excited about it. I’m not talking about late night talk show hosts either. They may have turned his candidacy into comedic gold, but even they know how disastrous a Trump presidency would be for us…

The Story of Us

I wasn’t born a cat person. Felines were misunderstood in my house. It was thought that their sole purpose in life was to tease and annoy our two miniature schnauzers whose barking, I’m now sure, was a far bigger problem than any cat ever could be. I was lead to…

Make the Voices Stop

Ugh. Alright. So … Do we have to do this? Do we really have to do this? I didn’t want to have to bring it up, but, like … OK, so this Trump thing with the pussy grabbing. Ugh. Like, I just threw up in my mouth a little. I…