Opinion

Happy Christoweengiving!

The holiday season has been exhibiting signs of mission creep for years and it’s only getting worse. Despite Fox News’ complaints of a war on Christmas, I’ve seen candy canes, twinkling lights and Christmas trees in stores since the end of September. Such items share the shelves with plastic pumpkins,…

The Magical Fruit

Let’s forget that Election Day may very well be going on as you read this, and that people all over the country are actually voting for … that guy. Let’s forget that for a second, because there are even bigger problems in the world. Take, for instance, the avocado shortage….

Secrets Are So Last Century

This issue of Submerge will take you up until the day before Election Day. As you’re probably aware, this year is like the Super Bowl of elections because of the Celebrity Death Match-style presidential campaign, but besides that, there are a lot of things up for vote, such as state…

The Tangerine Dream?

Donald Trump is running for President of the United States and some people are actually excited about it. I’m not talking about late night talk show hosts either. They may have turned his candidacy into comedic gold, but even they know how disastrous a Trump presidency would be for us…

The Story of Us

I wasn’t born a cat person. Felines were misunderstood in my house. It was thought that their sole purpose in life was to tease and annoy our two miniature schnauzers whose barking, I’m now sure, was a far bigger problem than any cat ever could be. I was lead to…

Make the Voices Stop

Ugh. Alright. So … Do we have to do this? Do we really have to do this? I didn’t want to have to bring it up, but, like … OK, so this Trump thing with the pussy grabbing. Ugh. Like, I just threw up in my mouth a little. I…

Prez Play: That Old Bastard, George Washington

In just a few short weeks we will be selecting the 45th president of the United States. As scary as that may be, given the candidates on deck this year, it is important to remember that we have fumbled through this before and will probably get a chance to do…

Making Unemployment Work for You

It’s always been my dream to do nothing. I used to believe that if I could just figure out how to survive without working for a paycheck, my life would be perfect. I could do whatever I wanted, when I wanted or do nothing at all if that’s what suited…

Four-Eyes for the Future

I don’t know what Snapchat is, but I’m not so out of touch that I don’t realize it’s a thing. Or at least it was a thing. I just assume that by the time I realize something is a thing, there’s already another thing that I won’t learn about until…

Best Buds

There’s been a lot of talk the past year or so about our borders and building magical Christmas-land walls along them that will protect America from all harm and shower marshmallow rainbows on all of its citizens. Pretty much all of the border hullabaloo has been focused on our neighbor…