Opinion

To the Other 48.4 Percent, and You, With Love

I remember around this time last year, I think I wrote that as shitty as 2016 was, 2017 would probably be a lot worse, and because I’m one of those people, I’m happy to report I was right. I mean, what a steaming pile of shit, right? Even Tom Petty…

Great Holiday Gift Ideas for Everyone in Your Life!

Everybody wants something, and Christmas is your chance to really give it to them. All year long, you’ve been putting up with your crazy racist uncle’s shit and your boss’s unending demands. Even your own mother keeps asking when you are going to bring home a wife for her to…

The Gifts Keep on Coming

Last issue my tone was pretty gloomy. I don’t expect it to get much better this time around, but I feel like I’m obligated to mention that I really do love this time of year. Believe it or not, I’m actually the guy you’d like to have over to your…

Leave Me The F@©k Alone Sunday

Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is here. Well it sorta works like that. For the stores, Christmas starts about a week before Thanksgiving. I know this because I was trying to buy tablecloths and napkins for Thanksgiving only to be confronted by a whole lot of Santa. If there is…

Catch a Falling Star

My prayers were almost answered. During the 2016 Presidential Election (aka Civil War: The Sequel), a joke campaign was created for Giant Meteor 2016 with the fitting tag line, “Just end it already.” It would have been nice. Some beautiful big ball of righteous fury could have collided with us…

Hands Off, Harvey

It’s official: One of our few remaining guilty pleasures has been spoiled. Thanks to rapists and perverts, we can’t watch movies or TV anymore since people involved at every stage of their creation are sick bastards. In case you haven’t heard, a bunch of actors, showrunners, directors and producers working…

The Threads That Hold Us Together

Make no mistake, the holidays are stressful. With all the traffic, lines at the mall and family drama at home, it’s a wonder we even bother saying “happy holidays” at all. Of course, we have little choice in participating, so all we can do is prepare ourselves for the oncoming…

Arabian Knights

Given our own state of daily political turmoil here at home, it’s almost comforting to look abroad and see that we’re not the only dysfunctional country in the world. OK, maybe “comforting” is too strong of a word. It’s such a global society at this point that it’s just a…

The Tricks and Treats of Halloween

As far as holidays go, it’s hard to beat Halloween. I’d argue that Halloween is our weirdest holiday, but I think that’s part of its charm. On Halloween, everyone can dress up in elaborate costumes and pretend to be someone else for one night only. We throw caution to the…

Jurassic Park

If you can remember your early teen years, you’re a lot younger than I am. My birthday is in a few days, and I feel as though I’m rapidly approaching the tipping point of two differing mindsets: bemoaning how many birthdays I’ve had versus wondering how many I have left….