Opinion

No We Can’t!

As I write this, my dude Barack Obama has been holdin’ it down as president for two weeks. It’s been a fairly smooth ride so far, but I know better. I’ve seen good things get soured too many times to view the world through rose-colored glasses. Everyone is excited to…

A Breath of Fresh Air

I think we can all agree: Air is pretty cool. I mean, I’ve always liked it. Sure, it can get lost in the shuffle amongst life’s sexier necessities such as tuna melts and whiskey, but air—and more specifically breathing—makes the consumption of both of those things (and many more of…

The Dreaded B Word

It is madness, I tell you”¦ pure madness! They stand in the streets with their palms facing the sky, just waiting for a free handout. There is a certain smell about them that can only be described as dirty. They spend their days inside large boxes where they sit and…

Anti-Up

When I was in elementary school, students would come to school with valentines for other students. Usually, they were single-fold pieces of cardstock filled out by the student’s parent. I received a fair share, but only from girls who’d brought in cards for the entire class. When I entered high…

Straight Talk to Real Teens

Who is more qualified to give advice than me? I have a law degree and a bachelor’s in psychology. Of course, I’m also single, on anti-depressants, unemployed, broke and spend a majority of my day in sweat pants”¦ but, I digress. Since giving advice is easier than taking it, I…

Eluveitie to Release Pagan Folk Metal in Time for Barbecue Season

I speak from experience. There’s nothing better than being outdoors and eating meat cooked on an open flame while listening to black metal. Call me crazy. You might have caught Eluveitie last year when they played The Boardwalk as part of Pagan Fest. If so, I envy you, because I…

Second Verse…

Allow me to be the last person to wish you a happy new year. Now that the revelry of the holiday season is behind us, it is time to resign ourselves to the realities of the year ahead. Though cynics may discount the importance of the start of a new…

Giant Squid’s Aaron Gregory on His Worst Show Ever

I recently interviewed Giant Squid’s Aaron Gregory. The interview will appear in issue #26 of Submerge (our one year anniversary!), which will be out Monday. This portion of the interview didn’t make it to the print version, because we’re limited by space, and I thought it would be more prudent…

Please hold for the next available representative

Attention Customer Service Representatives: Please help me not kill you. I don’t want to hurt you, but you are so fucking frustrating! I hate to put it so bluntly, but I don’t know how else to say it. I have been rendered nearly speechless by your constant foot dragging, bullshitting,…