There comes a point in every person’s life when they just have to go. Be it college, a job change or that your parents booted you the day after your 18th birthday, we’ve all got to move sometime. Moving to a new place is a big change that requires big adjustments, but change can be good. Of course, before you can enjoy the change of scenery you’ve got to get there first.
Finding a new place is a nightmare. I don’t own a home, so my experience is restricted to renting, but I doubt buying a house is any easier. Craigslist makes house hunting better than it used to be, but even they are at the mercy of those posting the ads. Whether it’s old or poor quality pictures, unclear terms, funky restrictions or lack of price, many posters try their hardest not to rent you their house.
It may not seem like it at first, but eventually you will find a place, and that’s when the real “fun” begins. The first leg of your new journey is called packing, and the name of the game is boxes. Now, you can buy boxes, but that shit is crazy expensive for something you won’t need in a week. No need to do that when every store, restaurant and office you see receives and discards boxes on a daily basis. You’ve just got to go out there and get you some of that brown gold! You might even find yourself dumpster diving shoulder-to-shoulder with professional hobos hoping to find something decent before the box crusher renders them useless.
By the time you finish packing, you will be a box master. Unfortunately, when it comes time to actually move, your boxing know-how will be of no help when you find yourself staring at an overstuffed couch stuck in your front doorway. It probably won’t be the last time you are left wondering how in the hell you got a piece of furniture into your house in the first place.
In all the hubbub of the move, you will likely break your favorite things, lose important things and find things you never knew you had and have no use for in the present (hello, fifth grade report card!). You will hurt your back, smash your fingers and leave yourself covered in bruises and tiny cuts. You will hit your head on the trunk of your car at least twice. The further you move, the worse shape you and your belongings will be in when you get there.
Just when you get all of your stuff in the new place and you are ready to collapse, you will have to go back and clean your old house. You need to do a good job, because cash is on the line. By the time you finish, you will swear to yourself that you will clean the oven and fridge more often at your new place, but hopefully your old digs look as good as possible.
A good return on your deposit may provide a much needed monetary cushion, but the utility companies will soon do their best to help lighten your load. If you move within the same town it might not be so bad, but switching cities is a nightmare. Prepare yourself for $50 install fees for such difficult tasks as pushing a button, flipping a switch or screwing in a cable.
If they don’t drain your wallet, they will drain your patience. Good luck getting your Internet set up if your choices are AT&T and Comcast. The two companies almost have a third of a brain between them. AT&T is willing to spend a week installing boxes and running cables only to tell you that the wiring in your house (which had presumably worked for the person living there two months ago) needs to be replaced at your expense. Comcast will get you all set up only to accidentally cancel your account the next day.
Moving won’t be dry hands, band aids, prescription meds, Internet deprivation and Top Ramen forever. Eventually, everything will work out, and you will get settled in. You don’t always get to choose why or where you move, but you do get to choose what happens once you get there. Moving is a chance to reinvent yourself…to escape those ruts you’ve been stuck in for years. You’ve just done something that was exciting, depressing, exhilarating, exhausting, well planned and chaotic, all at the same time. If that doesn’t shake you out of your haze, then more (or less) medication may be the answer.
By Bocephus Chigger