We are less than four months into it, and it’s already apparent that President Trump is, to put it very mildly, not a bright man. Let’s just say, Trump makes George W. Bush look like Albert Einstein. The man doesn’t even know what the loop on the back of his tie is for and he has worn one every day for the last 50 years. He also sells ties!

Knowledge, learning and understanding are not Trump’s strong suits. This is a man who was surprised by the complexities of healthcare and our relationship with the Chinese, despite a shit-ton of easily accessible evidence to the contrary. Unless you ask him about being a greasy real estate developer or a name-licensing whore, Trump can’t really explain how things work; and when he tries, he is often wrong.

For example, did you know that Donald Trump believes human beings have a finite amount of energy? He doesn’t think we have a finite amount of energy at any given time or something else that could possibly make sense. Trump believes that humans are born with a set amount of energy that gets used up over time. He believes that people die when all their energy is used up. I am not even joking about this. Trump has used this reasoning to explain why he doesn’t exercise, outside of golf. Donald thinks exercise will literally kill him!

God knows where Trump gets this garbage from, but I do find it concerning. If our president can believe some crazy shit like that, where else does this wormhole go? What other things does President Trump not know, or more importantly, what does he think he knows but actually does not? We probably should have figured this out before we elected Trump as our President, but it’s never too late for the truth. Our lives are in his hands, after all, so it’s kind of important that we figure this out soon.

What if Trump believes in alchemy, the pseudo-science of turning objects into gold? Just look at any of his properties and you can see that Trump already has gold fever, so the idea that he wants to turn things into gold is not so far-fetched. I can see the President spending countless hours in his lab in the White House basement, trying anything and everything to make gold. All of those sleepless nights smashing moon rocks from the Natural History Museum together and dipping the Constitution into a jar of Melania’s tears may not have turned a profit yet, but there are a lot more important historical artifacts to try out before calling it quits.

When Trump isn’t thinking about gold, he is usually watching TV. Trump loves TV and tweets about it all the time. Trump’s problem is that he tends to believe the things he sees on TV that are not actually true. I would not be surprised to learn that Trump thinks Sean Spicer and Melissa McCarthy are the same person. That would explain why he gets so furious after watching Melissa McCarthy lampoon Spicer. Perhaps, Trump thinks it’s really Spicer acting like an asshole on TV each Saturday night.

Of course, these are all pretty minor and unimportant things to be concerned with, but there are bigger problems with Trump’s ignorance. The President has a whole country to run and he doesn’t seem to know how that works either. Whether Trump is firing people in charge of investigating him, hiring known Nazi sympathizers, insulting our allies, appointing a possible traitor as his National Security Advisor, firing missiles into a country we aren’t at war with or trying to ban Muslims from entering the country, the president seems to blow it every time. These things keep happening precisely because of Trump’s lack of knowledge and what he wrongly believes to be true.

I believe we are only beginning to understand the depths of Trump’s idiocy and I think we need to act soon. We all know that impeachment is unlikely, given the makeup of congress, but maybe there is something else that can be done. Maybe we can trick the president into going back to school.

Since Trump loves TV so much, we can make it a reality game show starring him. It would be part Billy Madison, part Celebrity Fit Club, and part Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?. We can call it something flattering like, The Genius of Trump, so the President will go along with our ruse to make him learn. It could work, if we all promise to tune in to make the ratings huge. That’s the only way to keep this moron interested long enough to learn something that could keep us all from being killed. Our only hope is to teach this dummy to keep us safe. I’m willing to try if you are!