What’s the Buzz?

Ah … Spring is in the air. I mean, it should be because it’s the beginning of May, but I guess it depends on where you are and how rising Earth temperatures are affecting the climate in your area. But traditionally, the beginning of May is smack dab in the heart of spring (which is an idea we’ll have to explain to future generations, prefacing the conversation with something like, “You see, Timmy, we used to have these things called seasons”). And warmer weather evokes such vibrant imagery: bikinis, barbecues, baseball … For me, it conjures thoughts of mosquitoes, the Harbingers of Death.

This summer, the hot mosquito-borne virus will be Zika. Though it’s rare that Zika could cause death or even make you sick enough to go to the hospital—symptoms include joint pain and conjunctivitis—the virus has been linked to causing birth defects in unborn children when it infects a woman who is pregnant. So while an outbreak of Zika might not have an immediate health impact, like malaria or something, its effect would echo through future generations, which is far more insidious.

Fortunately for us here in the United States, no one has contracted the virus on American soil … yet. It’s mostly found in South America and in the Caribbean. However, the species of mosquito known to carry Zika, Aedes aegypti (aegypti?!? OMG WEST NILE?!), does reside here in the States, so if they throw a barbecue and invite all their South American cousins over, we may be pretty well fucked.

But if fear and paranoia are good for anything, it’s getting people to hunker down and be prepared for anything. The CDC has already issued a special warning to employers to take special precautions to protect their workers, especially those who work outside, from potential mosquito bites. If you’re an opportunist, this may be a good time to invest in S.C. Johnson, the company that makes Off! bug spray.

In cities such as Houston and Kansas City, where, like parts of California, Aedes aegypti may reside, mosquito hunters are in the field, trapping mosquitoes and grinding them up to test whether or not they’re carrying Zika or other viruses. In Houston, recent flooding has turned parts of the city into soggy mosquito breeding paradise. According to an article on CBSnews.com, “At one point, the CBS News crew came across a stack of tires with sitting water inside. ‘This is Aedes aegypti heaven right here,’ said infectious diseases expert Dr. Peter Hotez. He said protecting vulnerable neighborhoods is critical for disease prevention.” Other than this probably being the only time the phrase “Aedes aegypti heaven” has ever been uttered, it would be really sad if mosquitoes’ dreams of heaven equated to a pile of waterlogged tires. If that’s all they’re capable of aspiring to, maybe that’s why they’re so bite-y and annoying. It makes me feel sad for the little fuckers. Really makes you think.

In Kansas City, residents have been receiving inserts in their water bills that outline how they can rid their properties of potential mosquito habitats, such as Mosquito Heaven (aka piles of tires). Also, Michael Swoyer, who an article on Kansascity.com refers to as “supervisor of rat control” (Municipal Vermin Slayer Swoyer?) has charged his local population to “take responsibility” for themselves and “look out for each other.” Swoyer also treated a Kansas City area pool that was no longer in use with a larvicide tablet and has worked with local park officials to treat ponds.

So an apocalypse may very well be upon us, but it doesn’t look like we’ll be the ones facing a grim end. With all the spraying and habitat dismantling, it would seem that Aedes aegypti’s time buzzing around the Lower 48 is rapidly coming to an end. I’m sure some pond fish will be bummed without all those extra larvae to snack on, but I doubt anyone else will really mourn the passing of a bunch of mosquitoes, and as Kurt Cobain succinctly sang of fish, “They don’t have any feelings.”

Then again, all those pond fishes don’t have any larvae to snack on, they probably won’t be able to store up enough nutrition through the bountiful summer months to survive a long barren winter, leading to their demise as well … Hmm … Maybe it’s called the circle of life for a reason? Maybe we should … no, fuck it. DIE MOSQUITOES DIE!!!