I’ve never been to Hawaii, but it sure does look nice on television. Leis, pineapples, volcanoes, surfers, all those beautiful beaches…you’d have to be a pretty miserable prick not to love it there. And as it turns out, for four years straight, Hawaii—unsurprisingly—scored the highest in the Well-Being Index, according to Gallup and Healthways. However, in the recently released 2013 poll, Hawaii has been dethroned by a very unlikely usurper…none other than North Dakota.
I know what you’re thinking: Is North Dakota even a state? Believe it or not, it is! North Dakota is the 39th state and was admitted into the Union in 1889. Its state motto is “Liberty and Union, Now and Forever, One and Inseparable,” and at a population of more than 720,000, it contains fewer people than San Francisco. Crazy, huh?
It’s also not the Dakota with Mount Rushmore. That monument resides in Keystone, S.D. Yes…there’s a South Dakota too. I guess around that time, they ran out of state names and were just like, look, just slap a “South” on it and call it a day.
The Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index score is an average of six sub-indexes: Life Evaluation, Emotional Health, Work Environment, Physical Health, Healthy Behaviors and Basic Access (such as to healthcare and insurance and whatnot). The score is calculated on a scale of 0 to 100 (100 being the ideal). As a nation, the United States’ overall well-being has held steady around a score of 66 since 2008; it dipped from 66.7 to 66.2 between 2012 and 2013. Honestly, I did feel .5 crappier last year. It kind of sucked.
How did North Dakota get such a high ranking? According to Valleynewslive.com, several factors could have played a role. The state is currently No. 2 when it comes to oil production, it has the lowest unemployment rate in the country and the number of North Dakotan millionaires has tripled since 2005. But it’s not just the big cheeses reaping the benefits: McDonald’s workers earn $11 per hour and may even receive signing bonuses; waiters and waitresses can earn up to $750 per day and exotic dancers can carve out a yearly salary of (I hope you’re sitting down) $350,000.
North Dakota is so prosperous, its well-being is contagious. Each of the three states that border it is ranked in the top 5 of the Well-Being Index: South Dakota, No. 2; Minnesota, No. 4; and Montana, No. 5. South Dakota’s southern neighbor Nebraska chimes in at No. 3.
In case you were wondering, California, which scored a respectable 67.6 (2.8 points off the leader), landed outside the top 10. So it would seem that all the Jamba Juices, Cross Fitters and locavores in the world don’t stack up to a population of well-paid strippers, but such is life. Hey, at least you’re not West Virginia, which for the fifth year straight landed at 50th on the list with a woeful Well-Being Index score of 61.4.
I have to say, I’ve visited West Virginia a couple times, and it’s not all that bad. It’s got pretty, lush, green mountains; scenic rivers like the Monongahela; and a fun college town in Morgantown (go Mountaineers!). I spent a great afternoon in Morgantown this one time, getting drunk on excellent local beer at this great bar where I chowed down on a massively delicious cheesesteak and smoked dirt-cheap cigarettes I bought from the corner store… OK, so maybe that’s why it’s not the healthiest place to live, but I had a blast.
I guess I just feel bad for West Virginia. It’s just kind of tucked away in the armpit created by Virginia and Pennsylvania, as if it was just an afterthought. Now for the past five years, it’s had the stigma of being the worst place to be in America.
Sure, it’s just a poll and an arbitrary number, but we’re a country obsessed with polls and arbitrary numbers. The results of the Well-Being Index are based on interviews with just 178,000 Americans from all 50 states, which is a small fraction of our entire population, so there’s probably a large margin for error. Maybe there’s a whole bunch of people who think West Virginia is the best place ever… I mean, there must be one.
Meanwhile, the rest of us might want to consider a new Manifest Destiny. Our forefathers crossed wild terrain and treacherous mountains traveling from the East to find a better life in the West. Maybe it’s time for us to pack our parkas and comforters and start the caravan to the Northern Plains. At least all we’ll have to do is hop on the Interstate.
Diana Vitantonio
The California Spirit Festival brings together the ever-so-connected worlds of yoga, music, dance, meditation and community in a three-day event filled with workshops, concerts, organic food and yoga, lots of yoga. It all begins April 26, 2013 at the Masonic Temple in Sacramento, so grab your mat and get ready. Visit Californiaspiritfestival.com for information on passes, guest instructors and musicians performing. Pro tip: don’t miss MC Yogi on Saturday night—really good, vibe-y hip-hop with uplifting, positive messages! Sure to be a chill time.
Springtime is all about renewal and rejuvenation. Winter slows us all down, and for a short while the cold and gray is nice, but there comes a time when we need to crawl out of bed and jump-start our lives again. We pack up our heavy winter clothes and bring lightness back into our lives. Although it is still not warm enough to be in full hot weather mode, the ability to walk to school in the morning without being bundled up in a huge, bulky parka has been refreshing. The street style on campus this week had elements of both spring and fall, making for a smooth seasonal transition.
– By Emily Bonsignore
Paola Capo-Garcia
Paola Capo-Garcia sported an earth-tone ensemble on a recent mild afternoon. When it comes to the transition from winter to spring layering is key. The mornings and evenings are still chilly and warrant a little cover up, but the afternoons call for cotton shirts and capri pants. To finish your spring look it is essential to have a unique pair of flats and statement sunnies.
Emily Yang
Emily Yang combines jewel tones and lace into this flirty spring look. Her nude and black lace top is right on trend for this season as countless American designers used the combo in their 2013 spring collections. A ruby skirt brightens up Emily’s muted top, but instead of sandals try a pair of oxfords in a contrasting color to give hip vibe to a simple outfit.
Divya Singh
Finally, Divya Singh’s cobalt blouse caught my eye on campus. Her look was classic and effortless with a pair of black skinnies and a quilted bag that made the blue pop! Any solid color blouse will wear well through all of spring and summer, because it is easily paired with high-waisted shorts and maxi skirts.
Recently I was chatting with Nick Reinhart of Tera Melos when he suggested I check out a new band with some regional ties called E V Kain. Featuring past members of Hella, Cigar and Broken Bells, E V Kain is an experimental pop-rock trio made up of Jon Sortland (drums/vocals), Brian Belier (guitar/vocals) and Jonathan Hischke (bass). Their two songs posted online (Soundcloud.com/evkain), “Yes No Maybe” and “Sun’s Holiday,” are addicting echo-y pop-based tracks with interesting enough rhythms and changes to keep this easily bored math-rock nerd thoroughly entertained. Seriously people, E V Kain is really fucking good. Think The Police meets Faraquet, if that makes any sense. Dual vocal harmonies, precise guitar picking, complex (yet not overly so) drum rhythms and some of the most bad-ass bass lines I’ve heard in a long time. I’ve yet to see E V Kain live (although I’ve found some videos of them performing unreleased tracks on YouTube), but that will hopefully change soon as they are scheduled to play Old Ironsides on Friday, April 12, 2013 alongside Major Powers and the Lo-Fi Symphony and Ol’ Cotton Dreary. The show starts at 9 p.m. and is $5, 21-and-over only. We hope to have more E V Kain coverage here in the pages of Submerge as we learn more about their release schedule, so keep an eye out for that. You can also visit http://evkain.com/ for more information.
Whereas Christmas only lasts one day, Sacramento Beer Week lasts 10 whole days! That’s a week-plus of beer, food, beer, entertainment and beer (glorious beer). This year’s Beer Week will see local bars and restaurants hosting a variety of events—way too many to list here—but here are a few that we think you’d be crazy not to check out. For a full listing, go to Sacramentobeerweek.com!
10 Days of Beer and Food Pairings
Ten22 • Feb. 22 • 6–11 p.m.
Executive chef Jay Veregge is teaming up with High Water Brewing to create a five-course dinner (a beer paired with each course) for $59. Space is limited, so make a reservation.
Revolution Wines • Feb. 23 • all day.
Revolution Wines will be pairing their favorite local beers with small plates.
Lucca Restaurant and Bar • Feb. 24 • 4–9 p.m.
Farmers Market Dinner will be paired with beer from Ruhstaller for each of three courses. The meal will be $35 with beer pairings and $25 without.
Clark’s Corner • Feb. 25 • 5:30–9 p.m.
A variety of beers, including Speakeasy’s new release, Smoked Payback Porter, will be paired with an assortment of smoked meats and artisinal cheeses.
Pangaea • Feb. 26 • all day
As it turns out, sushi and beer are BFFs. Pangaea and Billy Ngo from Kru will prove it to you at this all-day event.
Centro • Feb. 27 • 6–8 p.m.
Executive Chef Kurt Spataro will present a five-course tasting menu featuring beers from San Francisco brewery 21st Amendment for $35.
Capitol Garage • Feb. 28 • 3–6 p.m.
Join Mad River Brewery and Lagunitas at Capital Garage for beers paired with small plates.
Mulvaney’s B&L • March 1 • 6–10 p.m.
Join Mulvaney’s for a special beer dinner with Dr. Charlie Bamforth and Sierra Nevada’s brewmaster. Space is very limited so make a reservation.
The Porch • March 2 • all day
What’s better than bacon? Beer paired with bacon, obviously. Gorge yourself with this killer combo at this all-day affair.
River City Brewing Company • Feb. 22–March 3 • 5–10 p.m.
River City Brewing will offer a special Beer Dinner menu all Beer Week long. Just $30 for a three-course meal paired with six beers.
Beer Trivia Night
So you think you know your beer, smartypants? Put your knowledge to the test at the following events.
The Blind Pig
Trivia Tasting Extravaganza
Feb. 24, 8–10 p.m.
River City Brewing Company
Second Annual Beer Trivia Night
Feb. 25, 7–9 p.m.
The Shack
Lagunitas Trivia Night
Feb. 27, 6–10 p.m.
Beer 101
Maybe you’re not a smartypants, but you aspire to be. Don’t fret. Here are some events where you can get yourself beer-ducated.
Home Brewing Demonstrations
The Brewmeister (Roseville) • Feb. 23, all day
Learn how to make a variety of beers in the comforts of your own home!
Cooking with Beer
Sacramento Natural Foods Co-Op • Feb. 25, 6–9 p.m.
Beer as seasoning? Let Chef Gigi show you how to spice up your meals with beer. Ruhstaller will also be on hand for tasting and to talk about the history of their brewery. Tickets are $45.
Beer Judging 101
Pyramid Alehouse Brewery • March 3, 1–5 p.m.
Back up your beer snobbery and learn how to differentiate a good beer from a mediocre one. Grand Master Level III beer judge David Teckam, a veritable Jedi of beer tasting, will be on hand to assist you. Tickets are $30.
Keep the Glass
Have a great time and sneak home with some free swag. Here are Beer Week locations that will let you keep your pint glass at select events. If nothing else, it’ll allow you to put off doing the dishes one more day.
Pine Cove • All Week
The Torch Club • Feb. 22 and 28
Old Soul at the Weather Stone • Feb. 23
Sacramento Beer Train • March 3
Texas Chainsaw 3D
Rated R
In the first weeks of any new year, people are clamoring to set the tone for the 12 months to follow. Texas Chainsaw 3D is the first widely released studio film of 2013, so maybe Hollywood wants us to expect plenty of gore this year. The creepy supernatural horror flick Mama is up later in January, and April will see the release of the Evil Dead remake, which is produced by the makers of the original film Sam Raimi, Rob Tapert and the incomparable Bruce Campbell. If the red band trailer shown before Texas Chainsaw 3D is any indication, Evil Dead might be one of the most terrifying and bloody films in recent memory. But for now we’re stuck with this quasi-sequel of Tobe Hooper’s 1974 art-house classic.
Texas Chainsaw 3D isn’t a remake. They already made a decent but forgettable Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake in 2003 starring Jessica Biel. This time around, director John Luessenhop takes us back to the film’s grimy roots… At least, he does in the first couple of minutes before giving the franchise something of a pretty, Twilight-esque makeover.
We start out with a montage recap of the 1974 classic, beautifully remastered for 3D. Footage from the original film pops back to life, yet still retaining that grainy hand-held 8mm feel and giving you a reminder of how shocking this movie must have been to audiences who weren’t accustomed to seeing so much splatter on screen.
As a blood-soaked Sally Hardesty is carted away from the chainsaw-wielding madman, Leatherface, in the back of a pickup truck, Texas Chainsaw 3D begins to suppose what happened after. An honest cop (Sheriff Hooper nicely played by Thom Barry) is called out to the scene. Leatherface’s family, the Sawyers, holed up in their dilapidated farm house, shotguns in hand. The sheriff has things under control until an angry mob from the nearby town burst onto the scene. There’s a firefight, and the Sawyer house is burnt to the ground, presumably killing everyone inside.
But you know that’s not the case. Heather Miller (Alexandra Daddario) was just a baby at the time, and two members of the mob unable to conceive a child of their own pluck her from the arms of her dying mother. Heather grows up unaware of her bizarre back story until the death of her grandmother leaves her an unexpected inheritance–a huge house in Texas and everything that goes along with it, including someone residing in the basement… Any guesses as to whom that might be?
Texas Chainsaw 3D follows in the franchise tradition of being brutal and bloody. Most of the gore is accomplished through traditional special effects techniques, which is nice since computerized splatter effects often suck (as do the rare instances in this film). The kills are excruciatingly painful–mallets to the head, tenterhooks to the spine and of course chewed up with a chainsaw–and there’s plenty of them too. Luessenhop isn’t afraid to pile on the gore and shove it in your face. He’s also not shy about paying frequent homage to the original movie–the dead armadillo on the side of the road, the Volkswagen van and even the original Leatherface, Gunnar Hansen, makes an appearance.
The elements are there, but there’s nothing new or interesting done with them. Also, though Luessenhop clearly has reverence for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, he didn’t seem to be playing close attention. His film bears the same slick, antiseptic look of any bad, modern horror film, replete with an absurdly sexy cast, unnecessary relationship nonsense and by-the-numbers “gotcha!” scares.
Perhaps it’s wrong to compare Texas Chainsaw 3D to the original film instead of judging it on its own merits. Unfortunately, there aren’t many merits here to judge it on. I suppose that’s the danger of simply rehashing great ideas from the past without coming up with new ones of your own. Look at it this way, as far as movies go, 2013 has nowhere to go but up.
