David Hasselhoff comes to Cache Creek to Retro Rock Your Valentine’s Day
Whether you’re a child of the ’70s and ’80s or a ’90s-born Internet troll, you’ve probably grown up with David Hasselhoff. It’s impossible to understate the footprint The Hoff has left on pop culture, not only in America, but worldwide thanks to his iconic starring roles in shows like Knight Rider and Baywatch. However, his notoriety rose to a different level with the growing influence of the Internet on pop culture and the copious memes and viral videos that populated the World Wide Web.
“Everybody knows me. Everybody does,” Hasselhoff says plainly during our interview. And it’s difficult to disprove that statement. Of course, his rampant fame (or infamy as the case may be) hasn’t come without its pitfalls.
“It’s a pretty wild experience going through life,” he says. “It can be a very positive and it can also be very intrusive and very gut-wrenchingly sad when it affects your daughters. It’s a double-edged sword.”
The darker aspects of his personal life have been laid bare for the world to see, but later this year, Hasselhoff and his family hope to set the record straight, so to speak, with an as-yet-untitled reality show on A&E.
“That’s just not who we are,” Hasselhoff says. “This is my chance and our chance to affect what’s going out to the public in a real way. Like my daughter said—they asked her what the show was going to be about with all the press I’ve gotten—and she said, ‘It’s to prove the tabloids wrong, basically.'”
More than that, Hasselhoff says the reality show, which will begin filming this month, will be a vehicle to help launch the singing careers of his two daughters Taylor-Ann, age 19, and Hayley, 17. In the meantime, The Hoff will be working on his own musical career. The Hofftastic World Tour 2010 kicks off Valentine’s Day at Cache Creek Casino Resort. The show is titled “Retro Rocking With the Hoff,” and will feature many of Hasselhoff’s favorite songs—both old and new—as well as surprises for many of his television fans.
He may be best known in the States for his work starring as Michael Knight or Mitch Buchannon, but overseas, his career as a singer is well entrenched. Hasselhoff says that this upcoming tour is something he’s wanted to do in America for a long time.
“It’s going to take a little bit of work to let people know what I do,” he says. “It’s going to be interesting and challenging, but most of all fun.”
In the following interview, Hasselhoff tells Submerge about his forthcoming reality show for A&E, the Valentine’s Day gig at Cache Creek and informs us that those who attend shouldn’t be surprised if they hear The Hoff channeling Karen O in his performance. Hofftastic indeed!
Is this your first major tour of the States?
Yeah, I toured the States years ago with my show to the fairs, and it was funny. They’d say, “David Hasselhoff?!” But by the end of the show they’d be up on their feet and storming the stage. My band, who is all from Canada and used to touring Germany, goes, “It’s so weird to see people mobbing you and mobbing your limousine, and they’re actually speaking English.”
Is it weird for you to play shows here when people aren’t as familiar with you performing music as they are in other parts of the world?
Well, we’ll find out. When I was in Vegas doing The Producers, Mel Brooks and I would go out afterward, we’d always walk by a lounge and they’d be like get up and sing, and he’d say, “Go on! Sing!” and the lounge would be packed all of a sudden. It was amazing, so I said, “I have to put a show together.” I think people are just coming to see the Knight Rider live, and I think if we deliver a good show—and I think we’ll deliver a great show. We’re excited about it. We sunk a lot of time, and blood, sweat and tears, and money and trying to figure out where to go. We put together 22 tracks and threw out 10 of them, so we have the best 12 left. It’s going to be the retro-rocking night with the Hoff that you’re never going to forget. And we’ve also got stuff in there that no one’s ever seen. We’ve got Baywatch outtakes, and I’ve got Knight Rider outtakes that no one’s ever seen, and they’re worth the price of admission if you’re a Knight Rider fan.
You talk about Knight Rider and Baywatch, and I grew up on those shows, so that’s what I’ll always associate you with, but there’s a new generation of people who are familiar with you because of your prominence on the Internet—with viral images and Web sites. When that first start popping up, what was your reaction to that?
I thought it was unbelievable how the whole world could be connected to each other by one word called “The Hoff.” It was unreal. I first got wind of it five years ago, when I came home from shooting a movie, and it was like two in the morning, and all of these fans were making up Hoff jokes—David Hasselhoff jokes—to get me to appear at a concert in Ireland called Oxygen. All these students from the universities up there were writing Hasselhoff jokes—and they were funny”¦ I kind of just went with it. When I was selling my book in Europe, they would turn out in legions, dressed up as David Hasselhoff or Michael Knight or Mitch Buchannon, and they were wearing David Hasselhoff T-shirts, so I took pictures of all the T-shirts, and then came back and called my license guy and said, “Follow all the bootleggers! They’re making all the money!” So we put out a line of shirts.
You definitely seemed to embrace it. You even named your book Don’t Hassle the Hoff“¦
Yeah, wherever I go now, it’s not even David Hasselhoff, it’s just The Hoff. I just think it’s funny. I just laugh and think how did this happen? I know how the whole thing started, too, because it started in Australia from secretaries. It became an Internet fun thing from secretaries sending pictures back and forth. They wrote me, “How do you feel about being a sex symbol at 50?”—that was seven years ago—and I went, “What are you talking about?” They wrote about this viral epidemic of secretaries e-mailing each other in Sydney, Australia. But it’s fine. If you take life seriously, you take life seriously and then it becomes serious. You have a serious life, but you really don’t want to have a serious life, you want to have some fun.
Do you have a favorite? I liked the infini-Hoff the best—it was like a perpetual image of you in the black Speedos.
[Laughs] I saw that! That was pretty funny. My favorite one got a million hits in Australia—it was called “Wax On, Wax Hoff,” where you could actually wax my chest. I found myself playing “Wax On, Wax Hoff,” trying to get the hair off my own body”¦ It’s almost as if I have a little box, and at night I put The Hoff to bed in the box. It’s a character—not created by me, but embraced by me.
I guess there’ll be another version of The Hoff coming up soon. You’re going to star in a reality show on A&E later this year. Was that something you’ve always wanted to do?
I never wanted to do a reality show, but I did something with a DJ in the United Kingdom, who came to live with me for two days, and part of the gag was to critique my daughters and let them know what it would take to make it on the radio in Europe. This gentleman was named Scott Mills, and he brought my record—”Jump in My Car”—to No. 3 and No. 1 in Scotland and Ireland, simply by playing it and believing in David Hasselhoff. I did his radio show several times, and we became friends. He went on a personal quest to get it on the charts, and he did. So, when he called and said he had an idea to come over, and I said if he could highlight my daughters, that would be great, and he did. I knew my daughters wanted to be singers since they were 7 years old, and this was their time, so I said, “OK, we’ve got to do this now.” So I put them in the studio, and they both worked really hard and had extensive vocal training, and we put out this song. It really worked well, and he loved it. I went, “Wow, this could work, but we really need to go to America.” Meanwhile, A&E had been calling me and they wanted to do something, and I kept turning them down. Everyone advised me that getting radio airplay and launching a record is almost impossible these days unless you have access to the media, and I went bing! I do. So I called A&E, and went, “What about The Hoffspring, or Hanging With the Hasselhoffs—something about me and my kids,” and they loved the idea. They came out and visited us and came by America’s Got Talent, and they realized that we were a loving, tight-knit family—not like what you see in the tabloids and all that garbage. It’s really about following my daughters’ music career and trying to help them through all the ups and downs, and see what happens.
You mentioned going into the studio with your daughters. Is that a difficult transition to go from being their dad to taking more of a business role?
I’ve been doing it for years with myself. I have a studio in the back. At first, they kind of—well, not rejected me”¦but I put them in the hands of people who are really professionals at this, and that’s what I’m supposed to do. If they’re recording in my studio, and we want to get something done, I’m absolutely hands-on. I coach them as I was coached, and they love it. They don’t know anything about recording yet, and they’re learning what it takes, but it’s very natural for us. They want me to be there.
The show at Cache Creek is a Valentine’s Day show, and before you mentioned a tribute to the Rat Pack, but what sort of music do you plan on performing?
I’m doing “Since I Fell for You,” “Feeling Good” and “What Kind of Fool Am I” as a tribute to Sammy Davis Jr. I’m doing the rock ‘n’ roll—”Jump in My Car.” I’m doing a tribute to all the guys I like: Kenny Loggins, The Rolling Stones, Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels. I’m doing at tribute to the new stuff I’m listening to a lot, and that’s Enigma, Shiny Toy Guns and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs”¦ I’m just throwing in all the music I like. I’m going to do some of the Broadway songs from the shows I’ve been in.
Since this is going to be in our Valentine’s Day issue, what’s The Hoff’s idea of the perfect Valentine’s Day date?
If you’ve got someone you’re intimate with already, put the flower petals on the bed. Put the chocolate-covered strawberries by the nightstand. Light the candles. Be as romantic as you can and surprise them. It just seems to work every time, and everyone goes away smiling in the end.
Let David Hasselhoff Retro Rock your Valentine’s Day with his performance at Cache Creek on Sunday, Feb. 14. Tickets start at $45 and can be ordered online at Tickets.com or CacheCreek.com; by phone at (800) 225-2277; or in-person at the Cache Creek Casino Resort guest services desk.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
I love Valentine’s Day because my grandparents send me funny little cards with cartoons on them, and there’s always five bucks inside! I’m glad that some things never change.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
I would say that I’m motivated across the board by love. However, I enjoy writing songs from the perspective of the sad or vengeful lover since it’s easier to be funny or creative with that kind of premise. Most of my songs are dark and kind of twisted, and I find that more entertaining than writing about how in love I am!
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
In high school, I had a boyfriend that made me a silver Green Lantern ring for V-Day. Also, when I was in elementary school, my dad dropped off a bouquet of roses for the school secretary—Ms. Johnson—to deliver to my classroom. She had to interrupt our lesson in order to put it on my desk, and everyone teased me long after. They said that Ms. Johnson and I were in love.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
Love it, it’s pretty much a for sure night that you’ll get laid. Or at least eat a bomb dinner somewhere and get drunk!
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
For me it’s hard to write a bunch of love songs about the same girl. So, I think it’s easier to write hate-type songs. I try hard to not write songs about girls, though”¦ Everyone does that. The new album only has about three out of 12 songs about the ladies on it.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
I hate it, because it is a holiday that was made up for corporate BS, to make money. Capitalism sucks.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Neither, there are way more things in the whole wide world that have way more substance and meaning then love or hate, like trees, flowers, oil and war. And outer space. And war in outer space. Galactic War.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
Box of chocolates, blah blah blah. Who cares?
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
I guess I like it, wouldn’t say I love it though. I like it ’cause it’s just a cool day to kick it with your girl and any problems or whatever you go through, you forget about them that day and your focus is on the one you’re with.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Definitely hate. Without hate all you would have is people just happy with the way things are, and that’s not me. I’m not happy with the way some things are, and I’d rather fight for what I believe in.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
This one time, at band camp”¦
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
I wouldn’t say that I love it, but I definitely don’t hate it. It’s just a good excuse to throw a tie on and act like a baller. Well that is if you have a date of course.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
I’m not a big fan of hate, so I would have to say love. But I probably have written a few songs while I was pissed off so you can call it what you want. Love makes everything better and music is no exception.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
A few years back neither my friend nor myself had a date for V-Day so we thought we would just hang out. I had the bright idea to go to drive-in movies with him on the most romantic night of the year. So there we where surrounded by a bunch of cars full of guys and girls all trying to get some action. It wasn’t till our windows were fogged up that we realized maybe two straight dudes in a steamy car wasn’t the best way to pick up on chicks that night. Pretty embarrassing. I think we turned a few heads.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
We all agree [the whole band] that it depends: If we are dating it is a great night out, lots of fun. If we are committed, V-Day can be a nice reminder of how much you love your honey or a sick reminder of how corporate America has made love a commodity. If you’re single, usually it is depressing!
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Everything outside the norm! Love can really get some rocking tunes out of us where as depression, hate and fear push for a more relatable song for a fan. More people notice the bad emotions over the good, creating a want to hear that you are not the only one feeling a specific emotion or being in an irregular situation.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
My senior year, I asked a guy to homecoming and he said yes just to say no two days before the dance. Well, after high school, he and I got together and three years later for V-Day he decorated our garage like our senior homecoming and took me to the dance! We’ve been together for six and a half years now.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
I love any excuse to appreciate people I adore, eat too much sugar and wear red. Those candy hearts with the writing on them are so tasty, especially the purple and white ones! And flowers, you get flowers! I might add, though, that every day should be treated like a truly special occasion and that love should be expressed consistently, not just when Hallmark, See’s Candy and jewelry stores unite to tell us we should.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Well, I think that hate is maybe just another form of love. Perhaps the truest opposite of love is apathy since one has to actually care about someone else to hate him or her. The human experience in general motivates me to write me music, every loving moment of it.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
Well oddly enough, the only time I’ve ever had a special someone on Valentine’s Day, we parted ways. My valentines have always been the many loves of my life: My family and circle of friends.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
While I definitely don’t have any strong love for the holiday, I do appreciate the irony of it. The fact that a pagan festival celebrating fertility has slowly morphed into one of the most consumer oriented and materialistic holidays under the guise of proving one’s “love” is endlessly hilarious to me. Luckily all the girlfriends I’ve had have been cool enough not to give a damn about chocolates or teddy bears.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
I’m probably guilty of writing a couple hate-based songs back when I played metal. These days I find love to be much more of an inspiration lyrically. I can’t write love songs about boys and girls, but I write about loving dirt and furry creatures and the like. I am also fascinated with the many ways love can manifest, how it can be used to hurt as well as heal, and how something as beautiful as love can be twisted to make people do terrible, horrific things.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
We had an anti-Valentine’s Day party once. It resulted in several fistfights, random hook-ups, naked dancing to Beyonce, and eventually one of our friends being tied to a chair.
I thought it was funny.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
Love it! But not for the reasons everyone else does, I guess. I think it should be about all sorts of love, so that’s how I look at it. Family, friends, romantic, or even the love we should extend to strangers.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Most of my songs definitely center on the love of something, whether it’s a person, a thing or just life in general. I’m definitely not a person who can relate to the feeling of hatred. Love is just something I’m more in touch with, and it’s something I’m much more inclined to share.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
I used to not celebrate it in high school, because I had such hard feelings about the day. I had not had much luck in the guy department up to that point. It was very Meg Ryan of me. I used to just sit in bed with a bag of Pirate’s Booty, watching old movies instead.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
I love Valentine’s Day because I’m the type of girl that loves to spoil the person I care most about in this world. Plus it’s another reason to go to Victoria’s Secret!
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Mostly hate motivates me more when it comes to writing music. It’s a way for me to get any frustrations or bad memories out of my system and the resolution becomes the song itself.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
Well it didn’t happen on V-Day, but it is a funny story that has to do with love. In the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend wanted to make the first time we had sex very special. He planned this romantic night and made me wait in the other room while he set up the bedroom. He had rose petals all over his bed, great contrast to the white comforter of course. This was the first time for both of us having sex on a bed with rose petals, well there were hot candles all around and it was some hot sex. The petals sort of melted. Don’t ask me how! But when we were done we got up and his white comforter and sheets had pink and red all over it and the petals were not so pretty anymore.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
It really takes a lot to inflict such powerful emotions like love and hate for me”¦a lot more than a holiday. But really, hate is a useless emotion anyways, so I try and let go of it as quickly as possible.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
I believe music tells a story, and it transforms experience. Love and hate usually play a role in all our lives, so it will always be reflected in music. I don’t usually find much inspiration in hate and I’d rather ponder on the beautiful things of life.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
One time I dressed as a giant heart and walked up and down the mall yelling for people to, “Mind the ways of the olden days,” and, “Don’t take your time and life for granted,” and. “Eat fiber,” and, “Squirrels have feelings too.” I guess everyone found all of this extremely offensive, especially on such a sacred and beloved holiday such as Valentine’s Day. The great Richard Valentine himself was stirring in his grave while I was taken out of the mall in handcuffs. And all I really wanted was a date for the night.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
I don’t really care about it; I’ve barely ever paid attention to it. At this point I think it’s just a way for Hallmark and florists to make bank. And chicks dig it. I don’t hate it; it’s just corny!
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Well, they say there’s a thin line between love and hate, and my songs celebrate both with equal enthusiasm. Things I love, things I hate and things I love to hate. Each day is a celebration of life and love it or hate it, you have live it on your own terms. You’ve got to make that hate work for you!
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
I truly have no noteworthy stories! It was cool back in the day though, getting like Smurf and Pac-Man Valentines and eating candy. Good times!
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
Three cheers for Valentine’s Day! How else would we know when to be romantic? Or when to buy flowers or candy? How else would we know when to put on a red dress and go out to dinner? Or when to have sex? Thank God for Valentine’s Day!
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
There’s definitely more hate than love in my songs. It’s easy to get all fired up by the bad stuff. Anger! Yeah! And I guess love is just kind of private to me.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
Years ago, I decided I’d give my boyfriend at the time some photos of me posing in lingerie. I blew up red balloons and taped them to a wall in the shape of a heart. My sister came over and took the pictures with me standing against the wall, inside the heart. Well, they came out really ridiculous! I had bad hair and couldn’t pose provocatively for the life of me. Plus, that was back in the days before digital cameras—when you had to get your film developed. Yikes!
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
I love it because it’s all about the love, hate it because I have to be all love-y and stuff and spend a lot of money on flowers, dinner, etc. when I’m always broke. And the corporate BS of Valentine’s Day? Really?
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Love, because music is life. Really without it, what else is there? It’s true expression of what’s inside and no matter what language you sing, speak, yell, scream”¦ you know where the band or artist is coming from.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
I’m not a hater, but I think I lean more towards disliking V-Day. I’m really not a fan of the whole, “card giving” thing. I have received so many cards from people in the past, but I have never been one to return the favor. You can take your girl out any other time of the year. It’s just another holiday that I feel obligated to spend money I don’t have. This V-Day I am playing a show! But don’t get me wrong; I will be spending some time with my girl on the 14th.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Definitely love. Although a lot of my songs are about the harder and more complicated parts of love. I’m more motivated to write when I’m going through a difficult situation regarding love, rather than when I’m extremely happy.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Love, because music is life. Really without it, what else is there? It’s true expression of what’s inside and no matter what language you sing, speak, yell, scream”¦ you know where the band or artist is coming from.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
Hate it when I’m single, hate it even more when I have someone to take out because I’m probably going to be spending hella money to make sure I have a date for next Valentine’s Day just to spend more money. “What you won’t do, do for love”¦”
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
An artist’s best work is made when they’re depressed about love, more specifically about not having love. So love and hate pretty much go hand-in-hand when it comes to inspiration.
Do you have a funny V-Day story? Back in elementary school this girl that I was hella diggin’ gave me a Barbie Valentine card with a tip on how to do your own French manicure at home. I was so confused.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
I love it. It’s the one day of the year when single ladies are going to want to have more fun due to having no boyfriends. Your chances of sexy time are increased on Valentine’s Day.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Hate, hate, hate. When you got that anger brewing inside of you and you start a song, you’re going to want to spit murder at someone or at something and words seem to fall and go together in a form that I like, so hate on.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
No, but if you want to make a funny story with me, ladies, you can hit me on our Myspace, and we can make some magic. Or not.
Valentine’s Day: Love it or hate it?
Valentine’s Day is one of the many holidays I feel really neutral about, along with Independence Day, Halloween (though at least that’s another excuse to wear a costume) and New Year’s Eve. I don’t think I’m above it, like those people who brag about not owning a TV; I just have never had a valentine on Valentine’s Day so I’ve never known the joys of it.
Valentine’s Day is an aisle of cheap candies and stuffed animals in shades of red at Longs that I walk through on my way to buy a bottle of shampoo. This year I’m playing a Valentine’s show at Vox Gallery in West Sac, it’s a benefit for a local art group—yeah! That’s what love is really about.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Love! I may be moody, but I don’t write songs about hate.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
Ah I wish! Someone promised me a Valentine surprise this year though so maybe.
Valentines Day: Love it or hate it?
I never really thought about it before. I guess I don’t really love it or hate it. It seems to me like it’s just another one of those Hallmark holidays to get you to buy candy and cards for your loved ones. But hey—at least it’s about love.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
Both of them, love and hate, each one has its positives and negatives and both of them have motivated me to write music. I would say I have written more songs about love, but they aren’t necessarily love songs. Some of my songs are about spreading more love to one another while others are about love gone wrong, which could turn into hate.
Valentines Day: Love it or hate it?
I’ve never felt an attachment to Valentine’s Day. I don’t think I’ve ever had a girlfriend that was too into it either. I just proposed to my girlfriend, so I’m not sure if I need to do something extra special this year or if the proposal covers the next couple holidays. I’m hoping for the latter.
What motivates you more to write music: love or hate?
I couldn’t really say love or hate fuels my writing. Obviously I love music, but I’ve never felt that romantic “inspiration” everyone associates with musicians. I don’t fall in love and go running to the piano. I need a neutral mind to compose properly.
Do you have a funny V-Day story?
When I was 18 or 19 I dressed up in a suit and brought flowers to my girlfriend while she was at work. I wasn’t trying to be funny at the time, but I guess it’s kind of funny now looking back.
When I was in elementary school, students would come to school with valentines for other students. Usually, they were single-fold pieces of cardstock filled out by the student’s parent. I received a fair share, but only from girls who’d brought in cards for the entire class. When I entered high school, valentines (fake roses) could be sent from one student to another for $1. By then, though, my valentine well had run dry. There were no more well-meaning little girls with well-meaning parents who were looking to spread cheer and love to everyone in the classroom. All that were left were selfish, stuck-up bitches who valued looks above all else and were too shallow to realize that the dude who would eat his lunch in the library so he could avoid the public hazing of his peers and read Anne Rice and Tolkien novels had much more to offer than any of the so-called “popular” kids.
I’m not bitter. I’m just saying. I never got a flower in my four years of high school. Whatever valentines I’ve received since elementary school have come from my mom (I love you, Happy Valentine’s Day), and I’m OK with that. I’ve never held anything against the holiday, because it’s just a day, and it’s not its fault that I was a creepy kid with bad hair in high school.
In recent years, it’s become fashionable to hate Valentine’s Day. I imagine the new tradition was born out of a growing sentiment in the counterculture that the minor holiday had become too commercialized, and existed only as a vehicle for corporations like Hallmark to sell more cards, candies and useless trinkets to signify one’s affection for another. That’s all well and good. I don’t think buying someone a box of chocolates is necessary to show a person that you care about them, but it seems a lot nicer than pontificating about the inherent immorality of a free-market economy. It’s a lot tastier, too.
For some, it’s not enough to be miserable in silence and move on. That would be too easy, and they wouldn’t be able to broadcast how edgy they are. Instead they’ve created “anti-Valentine’s Day” parties, which is the worst idea for a party theme I’ve ever heard. Why can’t you just dress up like “pimps and hos” like every other douchebag? What about pirates and ninjas? That’s fun. I’m not sure what goes on at one of these parties, because I’ve never gone to one. I hope I never sink that low. But I suspect they’re attended by lot of grumpy bitches who’ve been used up by life, so they get drunk enough to hook up with otherwise unfuckable dude-bros and everyone feels like shit about it in the morning. In other words, it’s probably just like any other day. I just hope you realize that by throwing an anti-Valentine’s Day party on Valentine’s Day, you’re actually celebrating Valentine’s Day. It’s ironic, but probably not in the way that you’d hoped.
Valentine’s Day only has as much power as you let it. If you want to celebrate it, have at it. Don’t say that you’re celebrating the fact that you don’t celebrate it (just thinking about that paradox makes my head hurt). Enjoy yourself. Take your guy or gal out to a dinner you can’t afford and make sweet loving until the sun comes up. Buy them a giant box of chocolates and get morbidly obese together. If you’re really in love, a few extra pounds won’t matter.
