We are traveling wrong. We cram our clothes into overstuffed carry-on bags to avoid luggage fees so we can look like scrubs on our vacation. We sit through miserable flights in close quarters with our fellow travelers who have somehow all managed to get sick just prior to boarding the plane. These problems are only the tip of the iceberg with commercial air travel.
Maybe you like to take the family on a road trip instead, which sounds great until you’ve spent five hours confined in a fully packed car with your family, arguing over stupid things like the radio or who can drive better. Don’t even get me started on traveling by boat, horse, airship or train. Let’s just say, I hope you aren’t in a hurry. We are far too lazy as Americans to physically exert ourselves by walking or running somewhere. So, if not by land, air or sea, then what?
No one form of travel is best, so why not combine two forms to improve our chances of success. It would be tough to combine an airship with anything else, so let’s lose that one. Ditto for horses and trains. That leaves us with planes, cars and boats.
Flying cars have been promised to us for years, but so far no one has come forth with a usable model. Amphibious cars are pretty cool, but they don’t really improve on the speed issues of either form. That leaves us with a flying boat, which actually seems perfect. Here we’ve been trying to force all of our traveling needs into one box, when we should have put wings and pontoons on that box and made a goddamn seaplane!
It’s a plane and a boat and (sometimes) it can land at an airport. What more do you need to know? Do you want to get to your vacation destination when you want and without all the fuss of flying on a major airliner? Are you a drug trafficker who wants to avoid airport fees and/or customs inspections by landing unannounced in a nearby body of water? Why not do a little boating or fishing when you get there? All of this is possible with a seaplane.
I know what you are thinking: Baloo flew a seaplane in TaleSpin (Disney’s piss-poor attempt at adapting The Jungle Book into a weekly animated series) and that cartoon sucked! So, by association, seaplanes must suck as well. All I can say is, slow down, Aristotle, don’t let that fat gray bear ruin seaplanes for you.
I will be the first to admit that TaleSpin was no match for the rest of Disney’s afternoon cartoon lineup. DuckTales, Gummi Bears and Chip ‘N’ Dale Rescue Rangers were far superior and none of them brought shame to seaplanes. Baloo was just plain boring and his lack of worthwhile antics single-handedly managed to kill the burgeoning seaplane market. Shame on you, Baloo! Shame on you, Disney!
I can’t go back in time and fix what Baloo did, but I can tell you to wake the fuck up and stop letting cartoons dictate your life choices! Just because Baloo’s seaplane was crap, doesn’t mean your seaplane has to be. You are in control here, and you get to decide just how big or small you want to roll.
There are a lot of different options and setups for you to find a seaplane that fits your needs. Make sure you find something with ample cargo space to stow away your duty-free luggage and/or contraband. If you plan to bring any other passengers along, you are going to want a spacious area to seat everyone comfortably. Throw in some captain’s chairs for your passengers; people love to swivel. Of course, the most important aspect of your seaplane is that it be able to land on and take off from the water, otherwise you don’t have an actual seaplane.
If you’ve read this far, I think it’s safe to say you are interested in becoming the proud owner of a seaplane. The cost of purchasing and maintaining the seaplane is admittedly high and may be out of reach for some. One way to get around this conundrum is to invite other investors to share the cost with you. I’m willing to do it if you are. Do you know anyone with a pilot’s license?
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