It’s difficult for me to say this, but I’ve given it a lot of thought: It might be time to end our love affair with football. I write this, of course, as I’m watching a football game and continuously checking multiple browser tabs to keep up with how my fantasy football team is doing (I’m currently tops in my league, but this week is off to a slow start, in case you were wondering). Like any addiction, I know it’s going to be difficult to kick the habit; but, like Elsa said, I think it’s time to let it go.

If you play fantasy football, you know it’s been a tough year. Not only have you had to deal with the usual challenges of the game, such as player injuries and finding a decent bye week replacement for your No. 4 WR on the waiver wire, but you’ve also had to peruse the police blotter to see which of your star players has found himself in legal trouble. And it’s not just shit you can let slide, either. It’s major stuff like beating up a kid or getting caught on camera sucker-punching your fiancée.

These are all bad things, obviously. What’s worse is that the NFL, an organization that reaps billions in profits, hasn’t the slightest idea what to do about it. Blubbering moron/league commissioner Roger Goodell famously gave Ray Rice, the former star running back of the Baltimore Ravens and perpetrator of said violence against his then-fiancée (now wife), a two-game suspension when TMZ released a video of Rice dragging Janay Palmer out of an Atlantic City casino elevator. A pretty unsettling scene, sure, but I believe the NFL gives out a two-game suspension for saying Budweiser sucks. People were rightfully pissed, but not as pissed as they were when the footage from inside the elevator was released to the public.

Goodell swore up and down that he’d never seen the footage, though conflicting reports came out that more than likely he was lying. Then the commissioner sort of went into hiding for a week. Meanwhile, Rice’s contract was terminated by the Ravens and suspended indefinitely. Then Goodell resurfaced to give some bullshit press conference in which he said absolutely nothing, and life went on. And I’m pretty sure the Ravens are still selling out every game.

But the problems aren’t just with the pro game. Take Jameis Winston for example, all-world quarterback for the Florida State Seminoles. Winston has been accused of sexual assault and had run-ins with the law for shoplifting. He was finally suspended for one game in mid-September when he stood on a table in the Florida State Student Union and shouted, “Fuck her right in the pussy” (because, you know, that’s just going too far).

These are just the guys who get caught, too. Never mind the Ben Roethlisbergers of the world who have been accused of things but were able to side-step any serious charges, because, you know, the Steelers are trying to make a playoff run.

But the problem may not be with the powers that be…the old rich dudes who fund their alma mater’s football programs or own professional teams and are able to hold taxpayers hostage to fund their new stadiums and pay athletes exorbitant salaries. The problem may be with the game itself. We forget, as we peruse waiver wires for fantasy team replacements because our starting running back just got his leg broken in 45 places, that football is a violent game. Players are suited up in a modern-day version of full plate mail and brutalize one another for the amusement of tens of thousands packed into stadiums every Sunday (and Monday…and Thursday…and Saturday for the college fans) and the millions watching over buckets of beer and mountains of chicken wings in bars and homes all over the country.

For a reminder of the violence of the game, you need to look no further than the string of three deaths that recently occurred at the high school level. Tom Cutinella, 16, collapsed on the football field after he suffered a serious head injury. He later died at a New York hospital. There was no foul play involved; it just occurred as a course of the regular action of the game, a “freak accident,” as a school superintendent called it.

DeMario Harris, Jr., a 17-year-old from Alabama, died of a brain hemorrhage two days after making a tackle in a game. Another 17-year-old, Isaiah Langston, collapsed on the football field prior to a game in North Carolina. The cause of his death is unknown, but his brother said it had something to do with a blood clot.

Compound that with the history of fallout from serious head injuries by some who’ve played in the NFL, and clearly there’s a problem, a problem that many of us are a part of. Despite all that’s wrong with football, we still go crazy for it. We clamor for it. Even those who aren’t all that interested in it still gamble on it. I realize I’m a part of the problem too, even as I cheer for New York Giants rookie wide receiver Odell Beckham, Jr.’s spectacular first NFL touchdown against the Atlanta Falcons. I know I have to stop… I have to…uh…maybe next season.

I hear both presidential candidates going on and on about jobs. During the first debate, President Barack Obama touted that his policies have created plenty of jobs during tough financial times; meanwhile his opponent Mitt Romney blasted the president for not creating enough jobs and claimed that if he was elected, like everyone ever would be employed (paraphrasing)–even though he practically told the debate’s moderator Jim Lehrer that he’d probably be out of work after promising to cut PBS funding. I know unemployment is a problem, but a quick perusal of Craigslist.org shows that there are jobs everywhere, that’s even accounting the 70 or so percent of them that are probably pyramid schemes. And this time of year, there’s really no reason to be out of work. Sorry for the tough love but it’s true. Just bet on football like I do. Trust me, it’s a full-time gig.

Clearly betting on football is a big industry in this country. Everyone does it. Even my sister, who maybe has never sat through a full football game in her life, chips in for one of those Super Bowl box pools every year. The only reason why people were so pissed off about the replacement referees making up rules as they went along during the NFL officials’ labor dispute was because there’s so much money riding on even the most inconsequential and menial professional football game. It’s sort of the national pastime. So, since everyone does it, I’d like to think it’s legitimate work.

As the days grow shorter and the weather gets colder and 300-pound dudes don heavy armor and fly into each other at preternaturally fast speeds, I enter into self-employment. Though the season doesn’t start until September, I really get to work in August to prep my fantasy draft. I am in a points-per-reception, individual defensive player league, which basically means that I’m a nerd who plays in a league full of nerds. It’s also a keeper league, so I have to first think of which players from my previous year’s roster I’d like to keep for the next season, then I have to map out my draft strategy depending upon who’s available after the rest of the teams in the league have kept, taking my order in the draft and what holes I’ll need to fill into consideration. It keeps me up for hours looking at numbers and trying to find the story behind those numbers, such as, is this player on the way up? Does he have the team around him to put up better or worse stats than the year before? Does he have a history of injury? Is it in his character to do something utterly cruel and stupid like run an illegal dog fighting ring even though he’s a ridiculously well-paid athlete and clearly isn’t hurting for money? There are a lot of factors to consider.

Of course, you have to spend money to make money when it comes to betting, and that’s really all fantasy football is. It’s gambling just like calling up a bookie, except you probably won’t have to worry about the dork who’s your league commissioner breaking your legs if you don’t pay up. My league’s buy-in is just $60. It’s not a big money thing, but I’ve heard of leagues that play for some serious cash. The thing is, while even $60 may be a lot to toss away on a gamble, take into consideration that it’s a lot cheaper than buying a new suit for an interview and way less stressful. You can go to “work” in your underwear and drink a beer while you conduct your business. What’s better than that?

Once the season starts, shit gets serious. You have to hawk your league’s waiver wire, cut players from week to week, constantly check your stats while watching games, read injury reports. And this year fantasy football has taken up more time than ever as there are now games every Thursday (seriously annoying, because players who are banged up have less time to heal on short weeks, wreaking havoc on your roster). But you know, it’s a living. All it takes is $60 and a dream.

I’ve also entered a weekly football pool this year. A relative of mine convinced me to go in on a pick ‘em pool with him. He’s been doing it for years. He has charts and tables and numbers. He has five years of stats and figures that show which teams cover the spread and which teams don’t. He’s been doing it for years and has roped in a number of friends and relatives, and he keeps track of everyone’s picks and accumulates our wins and losses. He asked me to help him this year because he thinks I’m good at computers which means, he doesn’t use them so anyone who does must know what they’re doing (I don’t, really, but I can make a mean spreadsheet).

So now football betting really is a full-time job. With fantasy football, the results of games don’t matter, just so long as your players in that game have done well. Now, I have to worry about which teams won and by how much. I watch every post-game and halftime show. I actually pay attention to Monday Night Football instead of just drinking my face off. Well, I mean, I still do that too, but it’s cool because I’m on the job.

-James Barone
jb@submergemag.com