1) Guitar virtuoso Buckethead is bringing his innovative shredding skills to Ace of Spades. He’s known for, among many other odd things, incorporating nunchuck skills into his set. Need we say more? Tickets are $30 in advance, available at Aceofspadessac.com. All ages welcome, doors open at 8:30 p.m.

2) The infamous Lipstick crew is returning to Old Ironsides for a rad indie-rock dance party. DJ sets from Shaun Slaughter, Roger Carpio and Adam Jay, plus a special live set from one of the sickest local bands, Contra. Just $8 in advance, available at Cuffs (2523 J St.). 9 p.m., 21-plus.

3) The Zero Forbidden Goals crew is throwing a Guerrilla Art Party in an alleyway in downtown Sacramento. This doesn’t sound like your average NYE party. There’s sure to be live art, musical performances and who knows what else. Expect the unexpected. Artist Alley, 7th and I streets, 8 p.m. Free, all ages welcome.

4) The folks at Holy Diver are hosting rock royalty on NYE. Hookers and Blow features Dizzy Reed of Guns N’ Roses, Alex Grossi of Quiet Riot, Todd Kerns of Slash, and Johnny Kelly of Danzig and Type O Negative! They’ll be doing a GNR tribute set. Tickets are $16 in advance at Holydiversac.com. 8 p.m., all ages welcome.

5) Rosevillians should for sure hit up Bar 101 to catch local reggae/hip-hop band Two Peace. These guys have shared the stage with some of reggae’s top acts like Katchafire, Morgan Heritage, The Green, Passafire and more. 9 p.m., 21-plus.

6) Dig Fleetwood Mac? Who doesn’t! The Center for the Arts in Grass Valley is hosting one of the best tribute bands out there, Fleetwood Mask, from the Bay Area. It’s a masquerade party, so dress up! General admission tickets are $32 for standing, $52 for seated. Visit Thecenterforthearts.org for more info.

7) Punch Line wants you to laugh your ass off until this damn year is just over already, so they’ve lined up some of their favorite local comics for Sacramento’s Last Laughs like Ngaio Bealum, Kelly Pryce, John Ross, Kiry Shabazz, Mary Van Note and more. Two shows! 7:30 and 10 p.m., with the late show offering a midnight toast and dancing ‘till 2 a.m. Punchlinesac.com for details.

8) Legendary San Francisco hip-hop artist Andre Nickatina is playing The Boardwalk on NYE. Playah K will host. Free champagne toast at midnight! $30 in advance at Boardwalkrocks.com. Doors at 7:30 p.m., 21-plus.

9) Bust out your sailor hats and yacht rock into the New Year at Harlow’s with one of the top cover bands in Northern California, Mustache Harbor. Tickets are $30 in advance, visit Harlows.com. 9 p.m., 21-plus.

10) Just upstairs from Harlow’s, inside MOMO Sacramento, there will be a raging dance party with tunes from Sacramento’s own DJ JB. Over the years, he’s rocked with everyone from DJ Skribble to Chromeo, crushing parties all over the West Coast. 9 p.m., $15 cover, 21-plus. Momosacramento.com for more info.

11) Want to go out on NYE, but not like, out out? Kick back at one of Midtown’s chillest bars, Kupros Craft House, where they’ll have happy hour prices all night, specials on a shot and a draft, and a champagne toast at midnight. Plus, no cover, and two patios! Boom. Night made.

12) Torch Club, a Sacramento staple where you’ll find great live music six nights a week, will host Southern California road warriors GrooveSession to usher in the New Year. They call themselves “movin’ groovin’ music,” and if you seek out their 2015 release California Hurricane, you’ll understand what they mean. 9 p.m., 21-plus, $25 cover.

13) SBL Entertainment is bringing legendary funk/jazz/R&B band WAR to Crest Theatre and tickets start at just $35. Visit Crestsacramento.com for more info. Crest is one of the most beautiful venues in Northern California and would be quite a special room in which to welcome new beginnings.

14) Some of the best bars in Old Sacramento are hosting an epic New Years Eve Bar Crawl. For just $25 you’ll skip the lines and to get into The River City Saloon, Fanny Ann’s, O’Mally’s Irish Pub, Sports Corner and The Other Office. Start with a fireworks show along the waterfront at 9 p.m., end with a bang at the bars. Live music and party favors at certain spots. Hit up Eventbrite for advanced tickets or Facebook.com/oldsacbars for more info.

15) As of press time, a very limited amount of tickets were left to rock in the new year at Thunder Valley with one of the best in the world, Joan Jett & the Blackhearts! There are two shows, 7:30 and 10:30 p.m. Must be 21-plus to attend, although guests between the ages of 13 and 20 may attend if accompanied by an adult at all time. Hit up Thundervalleyresort.com as soon as possible if you want in.

16) If you’re brave enough to venture down to K Street on NYE, we suggest hitting up District 30, where DJs Oasis and Benji will be throwing a straight up rager with a balloon drop, champagne toast and more. Early bird tickets start at $30 and go up the longer you wait. Visit District30sacramento.com for more info.

17) Folsom Hotel is an awesome saloon in Old Folsom with a lot of history that regularly hosts great live bands. On NYE, local dance rock cover band Lost in Suburbia will be playing. It’s free before 9 p.m., or just $10 after. 21-plus. Facebook.com/folsom.hotelsaloon for more info.

18) Enjoy a soul, zydeco, Cajun and Caribbean stew with musical group Mumbo Gumbo at Davis Odd Fellows Hall. They only sell 225 tickets to this annual event ($50 in advance), so it won’t be overcrowded like most NYE parties. Music and dancing in the Upper Hall, with a more casual setting in the Lower Hall with food, drinks and a big screen TV playing NYE shows from around the globe. Doors at 8:30 p.m. Visit Oddfellowsnewyearseve.eventbrite.com for more info.

**This piece first appeared in print on page 8 of issue #255 (Dec. 18, 2017 – Jan. 1, 2018)**

Good riddance, 2016! Sure, there were some pretty awesome things that happened this year, but all we can seem to think about are the countless celebrity deaths and the seemingly endless, ugly-as-all-hell election cycle. So let’s say goodbye to this year and just party our faces off one last time, OK? In order to help you do so, we’ve compiled 17 Sacramento-area New Year’s Eve parties for you, our beloved readers. Be sure to plan ahead, as many of these events will likely sell out. Be safe, be smart and of course, please don’t drink and drive. Here’s to a clean slate in 2017!

1) Put your metal horns up at Ace of Spades as they host four hard rock acts. Y&T headlines with support from Evolution Eden, SJ Syndicate and Anarchy Lace. All ages, 7 p.m., $35 in advance, $40 day of show. 1417 R St.

2) Downtown Sacramento’s legendary blues and rock venue Torch Club is hosting two excellent groups, Mind X and the City of Trees Brass Band. This shindig kicks off at 9 p.m. and the cover will set you back $25. 904 15th St.

3) Slide into 2017 at the Center for the Arts when the master of the slide guitar and his band, Roy Rogers and the Delta Rhythm Kings, rock the foothills. Nevada City locals The Rayos open up the show. Tickets start at $37 for dance floor general admission and the party starts at 9 p.m. 314 W. Main St., Grass Valley.

4) The region’s premier comedy club, Punch Line, is the place to be if you want to laugh off 2016. Two shows, 7:30 p.m. and 10 p.m., with each featuring different comics like Kiry Shabazz, Michael Patten, Daniel Humbarger, Emma Haney, Ngaio Bealum, DJ Sandhu and many others. Both shows are 18-and-over, tickets start at $20 in advance. 2100 Arden Way #225.

5) The historic Crest Theatre will host two amazing groups, the Jackie Greene Band and The Mother Hips, for what is sure to be a night to remember. All ages are welcome, doors open at 7:30 p.m. and tickets are $80. 1013 K St.

6) The beloved Second Saturday block party known as THIS returns for a New Year’s Eve mega-party dubbed the Midtown Mountain Get Down with live music from Miami Horror and support from Le Youth, Dusty Brown, MyKill and tons of other legit DJs. It all goes down at the MARRS Building, 1050 20th St. 18-plus, tickets start at $50 in advance.

7) One of Sac’s favorite nightclubs, Harlow’s, is hosting a “yacht rock explosion” for their NYE party, featuring none other than the Bay Area purveyors of smooth, Mustache Harbor. Doors at 9 p.m., $30 in advance, 21-plus. 2708 J St.

8) The popular Midtown watering hole Highwater is throwing a rager with DJ Blue and Great Paid with Travis A. Expect a photo booth (so much cooler than selfies!) and a midnight balloon drop. 21-and-over, 10 p.m. 1910 Q St.

9) Folsom’s Historic District will be jumping to the sounds of Sacramento-based funk/rock/R&B outfit Soul Heir as they turn things up at Powerhouse. Also on the bill is DJ Alazzawi. 8 p.m., 21-plus, $20 in advance. 614 Sutter St.

10) Three of the area’s top DJs are getting together for an epic dance party at Fox and Goose. A measly $10 cover gets you into DJ Larry, MC Ham and DJ Wokstar’s annual NYE bash. Expect soul, funk, reggae, disco, Afro-Latin and so much more. 9 p.m. start time, 21-plus. 1001 R St.

11) Looking for more of a family friendly, daytime option? Crocker Art Museum is once again throwing their highly anticipated Noon Year’s Eve party with live music, dance performances and festive art activities. All ages welcome and the museum is free for everyone from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. 216 O St.

12) 2016 sure gave us the blues. Speaking of, you can get your groove on this NYE with two great local blues bands at the Lions Gate Hotel Ballroom when Jim Holmes Presents throws their Fourth Annual Gala Event featuring Todd Morgan and the Emblems and Val Starr and the Blues Rocket. Doors at 8 p.m., $30 in advance, $40 at the event. 3410 Westover St., McClellan Park.

13) Old Ironsides is sure to be popping with Doombird’s album release show for their excellent new release Past Lives at a special NYE installment of one of Sacramento’s longest running indie-rock dance parties, Lipstick! DJs Roger Carpio and Adam Jay will also be spinning jams. 9 p.m., 21-plus, $8 in advance. 1901 10th St.

14) DJ Danny Mijangos and DJ Kwix will bring the dance jams to K Street on District 30’s insane sound system. Free with RSVP before 11 p.m.! Doors open at 10 p.m., 21-plus. 1022 K St.

15) If you’re looking for less of an all-out party vibe, reserve seats ASAP for the Hornblower’s New Year’s Eve River Cruise on the Sacramento River. This one-hour cruise will offer great views of the Sky Spectacular fireworks show and will take you under the Tower Bridge and I Street Bridge with drinks, food and chill background music on board. 8:30 p.m., all ages welcome, tickets vary in price. 1206 Front St.

16) Looking for some funky, jam-y dance music to groove away 2016? Hit up Bar 101 to see local band Drunken Kung Fu light up the dance floor. 9:30 p.m., no cover, 21-and-over. 101 Main St., Roseville.

17) The champagne will be flowing as 107.9 The End hosts a sure-to-be epic party at The Park Ultra Lounge with jams all night from Sacramento veteran DJ Peeti-V. 9 p.m., 21-plus, $50 early bird tickets. 1116 15th St.

For even more ideas check out our calendar!

Downtown Sacramento does not lack fun things to do on New Year’s Eve, that’s for sure. Allow this breakdown of NYE options to be a bit of a road map to your having an epic night. This surely isn’t everything happening in town, but here are a some great options nonetheless: District 30 (1022 K Street) has DJ Serafin (who is huge in the Los Angeles and Las Vegas club scenes) spinning his seamless integration of house, hip-hop, pop, Bmore and rock. Ace of Spades (1417 R Street) has Hollywood-based rapper Mickey Avalon with openers Big Chocolate and Richard the Rockstar. The Hyatt Regency Sacramento (1209 L Street) has an “Acoustic Lounge” with Quinn Hedges and Ryan Hernandez as well as a bigger/louder party inside their new L on 12 Nightclub with DJ Rated R and the super-fun cover band Cheeseballs. Speaking of cover bands, Shenanigans (705 J Street) has a huge party lined up featuring live music from Departure, a Journey tribute band, as well as 8 Track Massacre, an ‘80s cover band. Old Ironsides (1901 10th Street) has DJs Shaun Slaughter and Roger Carpio for a special NYE Lipstick party. The Blue Lamp (1400 Alhambra Boulevard.) has The Pine Box Boys, an Americana/bluegrass/experimental band from San Francisco along with three opening bands and Marilyn’s on K (908 K Street) has The Mother Hips. This list could easily go on and on, but we’ll spare you. For more NYE party options, click here for our calendar

Another holiday season has passed. This is always a difficult time of year for me. It’s back to work, back to reality and 12 more months before it once again becomes socially acceptable to say fuck off to all responsibility and eat and booze as much as your heart desires. I usually do that anyway, but during the holidays, such practices have no adverse physical or psychological effects. It’s true.

You’d think limitless indulgence would make most people happy. But I’m always shocked to hear people react negatively toward the holidays. They say it’s too much of a hassle. It’s too much work. It’s so stressful. Give it a rest. If you’re working too hard during the holiday season, trust me, you’re the only one. Go to a party, drink some eggnog and lighten the fuck up. Do you know they have three months’ worth of vacation time in Germany? I’m not sure if that’s true or not, but that’s what I’ve heard—and they’re still way more productive than you are.

I can understand why Christmas in particular causes so much stress. There’s the gifts, the crowded malls and the traffic. Department stores look like they’ve been looted in anticipation of an impending nuclear apocalypse, and shoppers hungry for bargains would stab you in the throat if it meant another 5 percent off a pair of Isotoner gloves. So yeah, I get it. But look at it this way: this holiday season, I was stuck in a mall’s parking lot trying to buy gifts. The drive over was like a slalom course of morons and fuckwits. It was like everyone had forgotten how to operate a car—specifically a turning signal. If that weren’t enough, the parking lot was packed full of people who had seemed to miss a vital turn on the evolutionary road. One idiot parked himself in the middle of the lane, waiting for a spot, and making it impossible for the growing line of cars to maneuver around him.

I sat behind him with my knuckles white on the wheel. I seethed and spat things you should never say to another human being, especially if you have some notion of karma or even common decency. Eventually, he realized what an asshat he was being and pulled away, before the spot he coveted so much was even vacated. I eventually parked in an empty part of the lot, equidistant between the mall and Siberia.

When I simmered down, I realized I had no reason to be so upset. Nor did the countless other people I’d heard honk or shout hateful things at those who couldn’t get their dicks out of their own asses long enough to just drive like normal people (ahem). It’s not like we were battling for a better spot on the breadline, or rushing for the last ladle of soup. We were buying the people we love things they don’t need, because we had the means to do so. Like, if you can afford to buy gifts for people, then you’re probably doing OK. After the holidays were over, my coworker’s father entered the office and sat at the desk next to me. I asked him how is Christmas was, and he said, “Always good. It’s Christmas. Kind of hard to screw it up.” That’s paternal wisdom, yo. Stew on it for a while.

Even more outlandish than people working themselves up into a tizzy about Christmas are those who can’t get their shit together enough to enjoy New Year’s Eve. I really love it when people call it amateur night, as if being a professional drunk ass makes you better than those who just like to party balls one night a year and then spend the next day remembering why they don’t party balls every other night.

I’m a professional drunk ass. I love New Year’s Eve. I’ve never had a bad time. I also don’t put any undue pressure on myself to have a great time, because that’s the most ridiculous thing I can imagine anyone doing. You’re not going to win some good time award, you know. Simon Cowell isn’t going to call you a “twat” on television if you’re not having a lot of fun. Basically, all you have to do is show up somewhere there’s some people you like being around, add a lot of alcohol, loudly countdown a few seconds of arbitrary time and get to hugging and smooching or whatever. Sure, perhaps you should do this every day of the year, letting those you love know how important they are to you, but then they might think you’re creepy. I would, anyway.

If you didn’t enjoy yourself this holiday season, there’s probably no one else to blame but yourself. But it’s a new year, and though you probably think it’s cliché to say, you’ve got a chance to start fresh, which means you’ve got roughly 350 days to pull that stick out of your ass. Good luck with that.