Wants… desires… we all have them. We wake up early most mornings, get dressed and venture out in the pursuit of these things… these ideas of perfection. The game of life does its best to throw up roadblocks on our road to eternal happiness. And every time, we think how much better life would be without these bumps in the road. At some point in our brief history, someone even coined a phrase for use in such a situation: in a perfect world.

In a perfect world, you would truly have all the time in the world! A day could have more than 24 hours or, if you wanted, it could last only seconds. The day you first met someone special could last an eternity and the day you said goodbye forever could be over in an instant. We would all be sorta like Evie from that TV show, Out of This World.

In a perfect world, sleep would be optional. You could record every moment or doze through entire months. If you did decide to sleep, your dreams would always be vivid and memorable. In them, you would usually be flying. You would never find yourself naked at school or surprised by an exam. Sex dreams would never leave you with a mess to clean up.

In a perfect world, she would get all your jokes and not find you crude or distasteful. She would be funny herself. Heads would turn when she entered a room. The world would be as drawn to her as you are. She would leave her square-ass boyfriend for you because you’re “so real.” She would like to hit the town, but not too much and never to The Park or any other place that requires her man to wear dress shoes with jeans just to have a beer. The sex would be amazing and last much longer than five minutes. (Ladies?)

In a perfect world, neither of you would have to go to work the next day. There would be no deadlines. Money would finally begin growing on trees. Change would grow on bonsai trees and broccoli stalks. You wouldn’t have rent or a mortgage to worry about.

In a perfect world, driving long distances would actually be enjoyable. Slow people and idiots would actually stay to the right. Semi-trucks would have their own highway system. Car pool lanes would be open to cars with two or more occupants or for people who just really need it. Thanks to Doc Brown, your car would run on garbage and it could fly (time travel optional). Getting caught for speeding would be a good thing and road kill would taste delicious.

In a perfect world, every meal would taste as if a highly trained chef prepared it. Each dish would be plated beautifully and would fill you up, but not too much. Even fast food would get it right. Taco Bell would actually layer the seven layers of your burrito instead of stacking them one at a time. Carl’s Jr. would stop making you ill, and the KFC on Freeport Boulevard would set up their drive thru correctly. You would always have room for dessert.

In a perfect world, you could eat all you wanted and never get fat. Working out would always be fun. Accordingly, loud grunting would not be allowed at the gym nor would naked old men. The fruits of your efforts would be immediate and require little to no upkeep. For you yoga heads, downward-facing dog would finally feel good.

In a perfect world, you would be stress-free, and yet still know all the “hard” lessons of life. No one would die, but you could block certain people, even if only briefly. Tears would only be joyful. Moments of awkwardness would never happen. Paragraphs could sometimes end and begin again without transition.

Show me a man with a perfect life, and I will show you a sign-in sheet for the closest loony bin. “Perfect” simply doesn’t exist. It’s there to serve as the top of some imaginary scale we created to rate our life experiences. Still, it does have a purpose. What I presented may be mostly fantasy, but it keeps me going and maybe that’s all there is to it… in a perfect world.