Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why did Judas rat to the Romans while Jesus slept? Why is Ghostface so dope?
Where do we go from here? How long will it last? Is it over yet? Says who? Why should I listen to you? Who could possibly make sense of this? Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Do you get it? How many times must we go over this? Are you for real? Are you stupid or something? How have you survived this long? What are your plans for the future? You really think you can do that? Why would you want to?
What is this idiot doing? Why must you make me want to hurt you? Who taught you how to drive, asshole? Why can’t anyone in Sacramento drive in the rain? Or on the causeway? Or in town? Why aren’t more people killed in car wrecks here? Why are you turning into oncoming traffic?
Who the fuck is that? How fine is she? What’s she doing here? You know her? Does she know you? Should I get to know her? Do I introduce myself or are you going to do it for me? How are you? What’s your name? Do you have a boyfriend/husband? Do you want one? How about kids? Oh you already have them? How many? Do they all have the same dad? Jesus, how many people have you slept with? Why should I be sorry?
Why am I attracted to crazy? Why you gotta play all them games, girl? Why do you keep teasin’ me when you know you aren’t letting this go anywhere? Why do you have to looks so good while you’re doing it? Why do I hang on so hard? Why don’t you give me your friend’s number? Why don’t I just let myself out? Why do people think there is only one person for them?
Why do I write these articles? What’s in it for me? How did I get here? Where is here? What’s the deal? Who am I? What was I? What have I become? Why am I talking to myself? Can you hear me? Why do I do the things I do? Why do I say the things I say? Why won’t you love me like I love you?
Who is this? How did you get this number? Why are you calling me? What do you want? Well, who’s over there? What are you guys doin’? Should I come over? Do I need to bring anything? Wait”¦ Where are you? How do I get there? Who’s gonna be there? When I come over? There?
Why are drug dealers always late? Why are cops always late when you need them? Why are cops never late when you don’t? Why must we fight so much? Why do people lie? Why do people cheat? Why do people steal? Why are some people so damn lazy? Why can’t I get some service around here? What”¦ am I invisible?
What’s the point? Can we go now? Why do you keep talking and talking and talking and talking? What’s with all the god damn questions? Can’t you see that no one is paying attention? Why are you torturing us? Are you some kind of sadist? What kind of sick satisfaction are you getting out of this? Is it driving you mad? Now do you understand how I feel?
Are you still reading this? What do you think? Do you still love me? Did you ever? Do you hate me then? So, you just sorta like me? Would you like me more if I gave you some answers? Do you like cliffhangers?
Stay tuned for our next installment of the Optimistic Pessimist”¦ THE ANSWERS!?!
Bocephus Chigger
bocephus@submergemag.com
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