Opinion

Giving Advice All The Way To The Top

Bocephus Chigger is world-renowned for telling people what to do and how to live their lives. Bocephus Chigger was the recipient of a Bachelor of Arts in the field of Psychology from UC Davis, so he is basically a genius and certainly knows better than you. Bocephus Chigger’s advice columns…

The Big Sick

Illness does not always breed misery, but as you get older, it sure seems to throw a wrench in the works more often than it used to. I am currently home sick with a stuffy, yet somehow runny nose, a mucus-filled chest that never ceases to cough up more phlegm…

Zeus and Hieroglyphs

I realize the two things mentioned in the title of this column don’t really relate to one another, other than that they’re both old and outdated…but hear me out. I just recently got an iPhone 7, which I guess is also old and outdated, but for me it feels like…

All Eyes on You

Happy Holidays! I hope your end-of-year festivities were full of friends, family, food, drink and whatever else it is that makes your heart cockles warm this time of year. Now that we are turning the page on 2017, which was the most tumultuous year I can remember, we look ahead…

Celebrating New Year’s Eve

We’ve all been slipping. Every year, the people bow down to holiday favorites like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, but what about the rest of the holiday gods? We’ve been giving them the cold shoulder for a long time and it’s finally starting to catch up to us. Take…

To the Other 48.4 Percent, and You, With Love

I remember around this time last year, I think I wrote that as shitty as 2016 was, 2017 would probably be a lot worse, and because I’m one of those people, I’m happy to report I was right. I mean, what a steaming pile of shit, right? Even Tom Petty…

Great Holiday Gift Ideas for Everyone in Your Life!

Everybody wants something, and Christmas is your chance to really give it to them. All year long, you’ve been putting up with your crazy racist uncle’s shit and your boss’s unending demands. Even your own mother keeps asking when you are going to bring home a wife for her to…

The Gifts Keep on Coming

Last issue my tone was pretty gloomy. I don’t expect it to get much better this time around, but I feel like I’m obligated to mention that I really do love this time of year. Believe it or not, I’m actually the guy you’d like to have over to your…

Leave Me The F@©k Alone Sunday

Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is here. Well it sorta works like that. For the stores, Christmas starts about a week before Thanksgiving. I know this because I was trying to buy tablecloths and napkins for Thanksgiving only to be confronted by a whole lot of Santa. If there is…

Catch a Falling Star

My prayers were almost answered. During the 2016 Presidential Election (aka Civil War: The Sequel), a joke campaign was created for Giant Meteor 2016 with the fitting tag line, “Just end it already.” It would have been nice. Some beautiful big ball of righteous fury could have collided with us…