Opinion

Catch a Falling Star

My prayers were almost answered. During the 2016 Presidential Election (aka Civil War: The Sequel), a joke campaign was created for Giant Meteor 2016 with the fitting tag line, “Just end it already.” It would have been nice. Some beautiful big ball of righteous fury could have collided with us…

Hands Off, Harvey

It’s official: One of our few remaining guilty pleasures has been spoiled. Thanks to rapists and perverts, we can’t watch movies or TV anymore since people involved at every stage of their creation are sick bastards. In case you haven’t heard, a bunch of actors, showrunners, directors and producers working…

The Threads That Hold Us Together

Make no mistake, the holidays are stressful. With all the traffic, lines at the mall and family drama at home, it’s a wonder we even bother saying “happy holidays” at all. Of course, we have little choice in participating, so all we can do is prepare ourselves for the oncoming…

Arabian Knights

Given our own state of daily political turmoil here at home, it’s almost comforting to look abroad and see that we’re not the only dysfunctional country in the world. OK, maybe “comforting” is too strong of a word. It’s such a global society at this point that it’s just a…

The Tricks and Treats of Halloween

As far as holidays go, it’s hard to beat Halloween. I’d argue that Halloween is our weirdest holiday, but I think that’s part of its charm. On Halloween, everyone can dress up in elaborate costumes and pretend to be someone else for one night only. We throw caution to the…

Jurassic Park

If you can remember your early teen years, you’re a lot younger than I am. My birthday is in a few days, and I feel as though I’m rapidly approaching the tipping point of two differing mindsets: bemoaning how many birthdays I’ve had versus wondering how many I have left….

Strawberry Fields Forever

I write about outer space a lot. I blame Steven Spielberg and George Lucas for that. If I hadn’t gone to see E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial or Return of the Jedi in theaters as a child, and been told that the universe was just teeming with friendship, magic and races…

Dying the American Way

We have a real problem with guns in this country, and it will not be fixed with thoughts and prayers alone. Nearly 600 people were injured and 59 killed in Las Vegas Sunday, Oct. 1, making it the largest mass shooting in America yet. One old white man with a…

Dear Spiders: My name is Bocephus Chigger, but you and your various other eight-legged friends may know me as the guy in the white and green house by the park. I am writing regarding your continued and frequent trespasses on my property. There is no use in denying it. I…

Gridiron Grind

It’s been a crazy week for the NFL. In case you’re wondering, despite all the turmoil, my fantasy team is doing just fine. I’m currently undefeated, carrying the momentum over from last season when I became my league’s first two-time champion. You might be asking yourself why you should care…