Opinion

I realize the two things mentioned in the title of this column don’t really relate to one another, other than that they’re both old and outdated…but hear me out. I just recently got an iPhone 7, which I guess is also old and outdated, but for me it feels like…

Happy Holidays! I hope your end-of-year festivities were full of friends, family, food, drink and whatever else it is that makes your heart cockles warm this time of year. Now that we are turning the page on 2017, which was the most tumultuous year I can remember, we look ahead…

We’ve all been slipping. Every year, the people bow down to holiday favorites like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, but what about the rest of the holiday gods? We’ve been giving them the cold shoulder for a long time and it’s finally starting to catch up to us. Take…

I remember around this time last year, I think I wrote that as shitty as 2016 was, 2017 would probably be a lot worse, and because I’m one of those people, I’m happy to report I was right. I mean, what a steaming pile of shit, right? Even Tom Petty…

Everybody wants something, and Christmas is your chance to really give it to them. All year long, you’ve been putting up with your crazy racist uncle’s shit and your boss’s unending demands. Even your own mother keeps asking when you are going to bring home a wife for her to…

Last issue my tone was pretty gloomy. I don’t expect it to get much better this time around, but I feel like I’m obligated to mention that I really do love this time of year. Believe it or not, I’m actually the guy you’d like to have over to your…

Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is here. Well it sorta works like that. For the stores, Christmas starts about a week before Thanksgiving. I know this because I was trying to buy tablecloths and napkins for Thanksgiving only to be confronted by a whole lot of Santa. If there is…

My prayers were almost answered. During the 2016 Presidential Election (aka Civil War: The Sequel), a joke campaign was created for Giant Meteor 2016 with the fitting tag line, “Just end it already.” It would have been nice. Some beautiful big ball of righteous fury could have collided with us…

It’s official: One of our few remaining guilty pleasures has been spoiled. Thanks to rapists and perverts, we can’t watch movies or TV anymore since people involved at every stage of their creation are sick bastards. In case you haven’t heard, a bunch of actors, showrunners, directors and producers working…

Make no mistake, the holidays are stressful. With all the traffic, lines at the mall and family drama at home, it’s a wonder we even bother saying “happy holidays” at all. Of course, we have little choice in participating, so all we can do is prepare ourselves for the oncoming…