Opinion

Deathclock.com

Life is a sexually transmitted disease that is 100 percent fatal, yet rock stars aren’t donating their time to throw concerts to raise awareness and combat the problem. Past generations only had the mirror and photography to remind them that they were creeping ever closer to their deaths. We’re lucky…

Semantics

Does anyone else like theater? I know, it can be pretty silly–a bunch of people in too much makeup playing make believe or singing and dancing and causing a fuss. But you know, like anything else art-related, when it’s good, it’s impossible to deny its charms. Luckily, we hardly have…

In a World of Make Believe

We live in a world of make believe. People can literally make people believe something is true when it isn’t. No longer do we need to back up our stories with cumbersome “facts.” We just make them up as we go. The average American is way too lazy to actually…

Keeping The Dream Alive

The other day, Submerge contributing editor/my personal life coach (it’s not a paying gig) Mandy Johnston had to stomach through yet another one of my woeful diatribes. You know, I have to tell you, being white and somewhat privileged in America just hasn’t been as easy as I’d heard it…

The New Dirty South

Oh black gold, Texas tea, starter of wars, destroyer of oceans, why must you bend us over the very receptacle in which you come and rape us at every given opportunity? It’s like, we go out and fight all these wars in the Middle East because we love you, and…

Isn’t It Ironic?

When Alanis Morissette warbled in her distinctly Canadian voice, “It’s like rain, on your wedding day…,” in the hit single “Ironic,” she probably didn’t realize the true impact of her words. You see, while a rainy wedding day–believed to be good luck by some–is something of a bother, even bordering…

Somewhere, Beyond the Sea

Not too long ago, I was sitting in a car, talking with a friend of mine. We were outside his house and I was double parked; however, I was pulled over enough so that people could get by me. The few people who drove up the street did just that…

Indoor Rain-Making

It probably happens on one of those few and far between boys’ nights out. You and your dudes gather together for a night of heavy drinking and general tomfoolery. At some point, porn is discussed or viewed and eventually someone mentions something about a strip club not being too far…

Cash of the Titans

April 21 was Administrative Professionals Day. If you’re a boss with a hardworking assistant, I hope you did the right thing and took good care of the person who takes good care of you all year long. My day job–when I’m not doing all this written-word business–is as an administrative…

And the Fans Went Wild

I wasn’t even 10 years old, but I was sure Michael Sergio was the coolest person ever. It was game 6 of the 1986 World Series, and the New York Mets were trailing the Boston Red Sox three games to two. Sergio cut through the October night sky, navigating his…