Run All Night

Rated R

The honeymoon is over, and it lasted seven years longer than you probably ever imagined. I’m not referring to Liam Neeson’s tenure as a respectable actor—no, not in the slightest. I’m referring to his tenure as a respectable action hero. It all started back in 2008 with the surprising success of the first film in the Taken franchise. Neeson, 56 at the time, suddenly and seamlessly transitioned from esteemed Hollywood heavy to esteemed heavy-hitter. He had always been gruff, sullen and steeled, even brutally violent (Gangs of New York), but it wasn’t until Taken that he became a full-blown hard-ass. And that’s a damn rare thing for an actor pushing 60, perhaps even unheralded. It seems that in feature films, you’re either doing that stuff by your 30s or 40s, or you’re not really doing it at all (at least not successfully). Harrison Ford toyed with it in the ‘90s, but he never really broached the straight tough-guy shit like Neeson has. With Ford, there was always a hint of duty, or civic importance (i.e. Air Force One, The Fugitive, or the Jack Ryan character). Neeson is just Joe Blow with a past, buzzing around beating the piss out of people.

And, for the record, he’s good at it. He’s big and brooding and kinda scary, and possesses an on-screen physicality that lends itself as naturally as natural can be for a man now in his early 60s. But in the last three years alone we’ve seen Neeson take the lead in two more Takens, Non-Stop and A Walk Among the Tombstones, all of which are lock-and-load action flicks, the latter being one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

His latest starring role comes in the form of Run All Night, a lackluster mob thriller featuring Ed Harris in the two slot. The basic gist is that longtime hitman Jimmy Conlon (Neeson) runs afoul of his boss, Shawn Maguire (Harris), after killing his son out of the necessity to protect his own estranged kin. I could fill you in on all the details, describing the tenuous balance between Maguire and his hamfisted, I-got-ideas-of-my-own-Dad! offspring (Boyd Holbrook), or the terribly tragic you’re-a-hitman-Dad-so-I-hate you! relationship between the Conlons, but that would imply the story was worth caring about, which it isn’t. Run All Night is basically 112 minutes of mindless action cliches: hard-drinking Irish mobsters; crooked cops; honest detectives; professional killers that won’t stop until the job is done; and so on and so forth.

Oh yes, Run All Night has it all, up to and including action sequences that suspend disbelief even in the scope of bad action movies, and that oddly typical character arc where the serial-killer-for-hire reflects with remorse on a life misspent and therefore becomes honorable.

But you probably could have guessed all that on your own. The real question is where does Liam Neeson go from here? The shtick is clearing wearing thin, and after Run All Night flops, the next stop for his action hero career is straight-to-video, a place that the likes of Bruce Willis and Nicolas Cage currently reside. But if we’re lucky—and I have a feeling we are—Neeson will get back to that place that his inner Oskar Schindler calls home, or his Michael Collins, or his Priest Vallon, or Valjean, or Alfred Kinsey, or any one of the many, many excellent dramatic roles imparted over the last 25 years. And while this movie certainly reeks, it’s not as if his time spent as an action star has been devoid of merit: Liam Neeson is a certifiable Hollywood tough guy, in my book, and somehow more relevant than most brawny stars half his age.

But the jig is up. It’s time to move on. I see that he’s got a comedy (Ted 2), a dramatic fantasy (A Monster Calls) and a historical drama (Silence; Scorsese) all in the can through 2016, and that’s fabulous. So I’d like to recant my earlier testimony, and say that Liam Neeson will only “officially stink” if he continues uninhibited down this same path. Take a few years off from ripping throats, and then get all Clint about it around 70 and start crowing about the sanctitude of your lawn. That’s my plan, at least.

A Million Ways to Die in the West

Rated R {2.5 stars out of 5}

If you’re a Family Guy, American Dad or The Cleveland Show fan, then the A Million Ways to Die in the West trailer has probably caught your eye. I mean, almost everything Seth MacFarlane touches turns to gold, right? Almost everything.

Pan to Arizona 1882. We are in the West, where everything sucks. People die from any and everything: diseases, bar fights, snake bites, freak accidents. It’s an every-man-for-himself kind of world—the kind of world where you have to fight for your life. Literally, you have to fight for your life. Enter Albert Stark (Seth MacFarlane), a hopeless nobody who makes his living as an unsuccessful shepherd (like, really unsuccessful…his sheep end up on the roof. Don’t ask how that’s possible). He is challenged to a duel to settle a debt he owes; but because he is such a coward, he backs out and loses his girlfriend, Louise (Amanda Seyfried), in the process.

The movie basically follows him as he tries to mend a broken heart (broken hearts are terrible, even in 1882) and make meaning of his sad and pathetic life, all while showing that there are a million ways to die in the West. Surprisingly, there were a lot of graphic death jokes (well, maybe not surprising, since Family Guy and American Dad can get pretty gruesome…still, I wasn’t expecting it); of course there were lots of poop jokes, as well as your basic slapstick comedy.

There’s a star-studded cast in this one (imagine the entire cast of Ted with extra people), complete with Charlize Theron as the local bandit’s wife, Anna (the local bandit is Liam Neeson); Sarah Silverman as the town whore, Ruth; Giovanni Ribisi as Ruth’s boyfriend, Edward (think weird dancing guy from Ted); and Neil Patrick Harris as Albert’s nemesis, Foy. There are also special guest appearances by Gilbert Gottfried, Ryan Reynolds (duh), Christopher Lloyd and Jamie Foxx.

I was really rooting for this movie. I mean, I love Seth MacFarlane and I thought Ted was amazing. Also, there was a great cast in this movie. Sarah Silverman was in it! Let’s just let that sink into your brains. Yet, despite the great cast, the movie was just lackluster. There were funny parts; I did chuckle a bit. But the jokes seemed forced and it was pretty much the same joke over and over again: people die in the West because it’s 1882, here are all the different ways people can die, and for good measure, here are some poop jokes and drug references. I guess it was pretty much just one long Family Guy episode except that it wasn’t that funny. It wasn’t terrible; it just wasn’t the greatest. It was all right.

And in the end (in classic love story fashion), you learn that love conquers all and you have to fight for the dream that’s a wish your heart makes. I haven’t completely given up on Seth MacFarlane; I’m still (not so) patiently waiting for a second Ted movie and a Family Guy movie and I will still watch all of his shows religiously. He just kind of missed the mark with this one. But, that’s OK because you can’t win ‘em all, right? All in all, I probably wouldn’t recommend this movie but, if you’re a Seth MacFarlane fan like me then you’ll probably end up seeing it anyway.

And let me just note (especially to the movie patrons who were sitting behind me): DO NOT BRING YOUR CHILDREN TO THIS MOVIE. If you have a child and you are planning on seeing this movie, then hire a babysitter and have yourself an adults night out. This movie is graphic (like, a surprising-amount-of-blood type graphic), is literally full of cussing, contains some vagina jokes and has some drug references. I repeat, it is not kid friendly (also, it’s kind of really annoying when a 5-year-old talks through a whole movie), and all of the jokes are just going to go over your child’s head anyway. Plus, they probably shouldn’t be seeing (and hearing) all of the graphicness of the movie. Their minds are impressionable, or whatever.

The Lego Movie

Rated PG {4 out of 5 stars}

I played with Legos. Didn’t you? Asked for and got them on birthdays and Christmas; bought them with allowance money; raided them at latchkey when I was in second grade at Silverwood Elementary. You might say Legos were a formative aspect of my left-brain self, a reality I’m certainly not alone in sharing. But somewhere along the line I put them down, and at a point almost forgot they even existed. That is until about 10 years ago when all my little cousins started getting old enough to buy actual presents for, whereupon I realized that not only were Legos still in existence, but that they were as popular as they’d ever been, if not more so. Why not then, with their presence of utter ubiquity since the release of mini-figures in 1978, bring this acrylonitrile butadiene styrene wonder to the silver screen?

Warner Bros. has apparently been asking this same question since 2008, when The Lego Movie officially entered gestation. Over time, directors Phil Lord and Christopher Miller (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) were selected to join writers Dan and Kevin Hageman (Hotel Transylvania). Perhaps most primary to the potential success of the film though was choosing Animal Logic (The Great Gatsby, Australia, Happy Feet) to head animation and visual effects. (Say what you will about the content of Animal Logic’s film credits; they’re all visually stunning, and that’s the business they’re in.) Now six years after its inception, the long-awaited final product is fortunately one worthy of standup applause.

The Lego Movie introduces you to Emmet (Chris Pratt), a happy-go-lucky construction worker with nary a thought in his head. Emmet’s favorite song is “Everything Is Awesome” by A Popular Band. His favorite television show is Where Are My Pants? And the most creative idea he ever had was to build a double-decker couch with cup-holders. He lives in a society consumed by homogeny, ruled by President/Lord Business (Will Ferrell). But upon demolishing a section of the city deemed incongruous, Emmit discovers a mysterious and beautiful woman, Wyldstyle (Elizabeth Banks), whom he unwittingly follows into the dark depths below. Long story short, Emmet comes into contact with The Piece of Resistance, and is decreed by the MasterBuilder Vitruvius (Morgan Freeman) to be “The Special,” who alone holds the power to save the world from Lord Business (if he can just evade Bad Cop, expertly voiced by Liam Neeson).

Ostensibly childish, the above plotline is actually rife with allegory from the outset, depicting a culture deprived of innovation and creativity. From its mainstream radio mockery of “Everything Is Awesome” to its throng of blue collar laborers following Lego instructions to a rigid tee, The Lego Movie’s aim for an overtly adult theme that children can still grasp is both fair and true. And with said adult theme comes surprisingly adept adult humor, considering the film’s PG rating. Yes, it would have been easy for the Hageman brothers to load the script with lame pop-culture references and bland fart jokes, but they instead craft a Lego Land that feeds off witty, fast-paced dialog, and yet they know how and when to pull back on the reins for effect. With cameos galore, viewers are treated to a variety of charming characters, including Batman (Will Arnett), 1980-something Space Guy (Charlie Day), Green Lantern (Jonah Hill) and Lando Calrissian (Billy Dee Williams!), to name just a few.

And oh that animation—you can practically feel the snap in your fingers. Animal Logic really nailed this one, masterfully creating one of those few flicks a year that’s an absolute must as a theatrical experience. The action is fast, furious and plentiful, with sets from the big city to the underworld, the Old West to Middle Zealand. What’s more are the many moments of sedation where it seems as if you could reach out and touch actual plastic. Basically, just sit back and enjoy 100 minutes of visual wizardry while the responsible parties buy polishes for their inevitable 2015 Oscar win.

And there you have it. An animated feature film marketed for children, written for adults, that ultimately pleases one and all. Easily the best movie of the New Year, expect to hear from The Lego Movie come award time next winter.

Taken 2

Rated PG-13

Liam Neeson has played some big name bad asses during the course of his lauded movie career. He was one of the Knights of the Round Table, Gawain, in Excalibur and Kegan in my favorite fantasy schlock fest Krull (come on, Krull was awesome!) back in the ‘80s. More recently he’s been stone cold criminal mastermind Ra’s Al Ghul in Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy and even starred as Zeus himself in the 2010’s Clash of the Titans and its 2012 sequel Wrath of the Titans. He’s even portrayed real life heroes like Rob Roy, Michael Collins and Oskar Schindler. It’s strange then that even with this impressive canon of roles he’s performed that Bryan Mills has become one of his most iconic. The character has become a cult hit among the Internet meme generation, and that’s a credit to Neeson, because though Mills is a retired U.S. spy who can easily throttle baddies, he’s not as flashy as your James Bonds or Jason Bournes. Taken was released back in 2008, and judging by the crowd at the theater on opening night, it would seem that this sequel was highly anticipated. Taken 2 delivers plenty of high-octane Neeson-ocity, which almost masks the fact that it’s kind of a by-the-numbers action flick.

The cool thing about Mills is that though he’s a kick-ass spy, he’s also a dad. In the first film, he unleashed holy hell on a horde of faceless villains in order to retrieve his daughter Kim (played in both films by Lost alum Maggie Grace). So, while Bourne whoops butt in hopes of regaining his identity, or Bond thwarts evildoers so he can score with a bevy of exotic women, Mills is much more relatable. Hey, he’s just a family man, you know? Why do you have to go and mess with the dude’s family?

Taken 2 sees Mills pitted against another family man, Murad Krasniqi (Rade Serbedzija). Krasniqi’s son was the man who kidnapped Kim in the first film and met a horrid end at the hands of Mills. Krasniqi assembles a group of ornery henchmen to exact revenge upon Mills and tracks the former spy to Istanbul, Turkey, where he’s relaxing with his ex-wife/baby momma, Lenore (Famke Janssen), and daughter. This time around, though, it’s Mills and Lenore who are “taken” leaving Kim to bust her parents out of a dungeon buried deep in the winding streets of Istanbul.

There are cutesy moments of Mills’ family life. He uses his spy training to track Kim down to her new boyfriend’s house and teaches her how to pass her road test. He gives Lenore a shoulder to cry on when he discovers that her new husband is just a big ol’ jerk, and on a boat in Istanbul, Mills asks Kim if this boy of hers is someone she thinks is special. It’s all very sweet and antiseptic.

Luckily, Mills is better at incapacitating well-armed villains than he is at Talking About Feelings. Be it via hand-to-hand combat or packing heat, he’s a one-man wrecking crew who’ll stop at nothing to defend his family and ensure that they will never again have to fear for their lives. There are some neat action sequences here, such as when Kim, still new to driving, escapes from corrupt Turkish police through labyrinthine streets with poppa bear in the passenger seat, unloading clip after clip into their pursuers. An epic boss fight occurs as Mills takes on Krasniqi’s head henchman, the man who was in charge of torturing his wife. Neeson, now 60 years old, more than holds his own in the fast-paced, bare-fisted battle.

Don’t worry, I won’t ruin the outcome for you, but you can probably guess who wins. But the burning question left for the end of the film is whether or not Kim will pass her road test. Spoiler alert: She gets a perfect score!