Lance Woods is a comedy force of nature. In just seven years of performing stand-up, he’s gone from hosting variety shows at his church, to opening for Dave Chappelle and hosting parties for Too Short on Treasure Island. His “Lance Woods and Friends” shows are a near-monthly staple of the Sacramento Punch Line and Cobb’s Comedy Club in San Francisco and are regularly packed thanks to his nonstop drive to promote. From Facebook and Instagram selfie posting contests for ticket giveaways, to video sketches based on current events that may have happened less than a day before, he’s easily one of the most consistently funny and recognizable local comedians.
I’ve seen him perform no less than 20 times in the last five years and his material rarely repeats. His early “mistakes” of not repeating jokes, ended up giving him skills to amass a monstrous array of subjects that range from skewering pop culture to helping a friend move. Sometimes it all just goes out the window and he’ll do some of the funniest crowd work I’ve ever seen.
On social media and on stage, he refers to himself as “The International Sex Symbol,” but Woods exudes an over-the-top charm and charisma that lives up to the hype. While sitting with him for the interview at East Sacramento’s Tupelo, there wasn’t a person that walked by that didn’t get a smile and a moment of his time.
Monica S. Photography
I was talking with the editor of Submerge, and we were both agreeing that it’s ridiculous that we haven’t done a story on Lance Woods yet.
I agree! Totally! Wholeheartedly! Every time I see the magazine I wonder why I’m not here!
How long have you been performing stand-up comedy?
My first time on stage was June 2, 2010. I didn’t understand what to do. In my first nine months, I probably got on stage three times, because I thought you could never tell the same joke twice. My first set ever was at the Sacramento Punch Line Showcase.
That’s unusual because it takes some time to get noticed and booked on that.
It’s almost like getting into Submerge! It takes time. You gotta put your work in [Laughs]!
I started comedy in my church, which was directly across the street [from] Punch Line. My pastor created an event for me to host called “The Uprising,” and I would do comedy and we’d get gospel singers, dancers and poets. I told my girlfriend I wanted to do comedy; she started acting like an agent and was looking up places on the computer. She said Punch Line had what she thought was an open mic. So I thought you could just show up there and just do comedy.
I told everyone I worked with and everyone at church that I’m going to perform. The doors open at 7, so I got there at 6:50 and the girl at the door told me to come back in 10 minutes. So I got there at 6:59:59 and I said, “How do you sign up for the show?” The manager said, “Who are you?” That’s the first time I felt this isn’t going to go how I thought it was going to go. The way he said it made me know I couldn’t sound like I was brand new, so I just said, “It’s me, Lance Woods! What do you mean you don’t know who I am? Baby I’m here!” He told me there were no sign-ups for the show.
I felt like the smallest person in the world. I start walking down that hallway and I start hearing that sad Titanic music playing in the background. Then I thought, “I can’t leave, I told everyone I was going to be here!” I remembered D.L. Hughley on the extras of that Kings of Comedy DVD said, “Back in the day, we used to have to fight just to get five minutes!” That stuck with me. I go back inside of the club and started talking to him.
He’s busy getting the club ready, but every time he’d come by and just say something new then walk away and was dismissive. Then at 7:40, I had like 45 people walk in right in front of the bar saying things like “Hey, Lance! Kill it tonight!” So he sees this [and] five minutes before the show he tells me I’m going up first. I didn’t know you were supposed to be nervous about that.
Comics get scared because they think the crowd isn’t warmed up yet.
The reaction was good and the material was good for the level I was at. The comics told me I did a good job, and I thought Hollywood was going to call tomorrow.
A month or two later I performed at A Toucha Class. Two months after that I did Laughs Unlimited. I met a guy named Andre Paradise who did a competition up in Oregon called “The Shades of Laughs.” This is when everything changed. I went out there, and out of 19 comics I placed fifth. These were really good veteran comics. We had six shows.
You weren’t doing any open mics at that point?
No … This was maybe my fifth time performing. I was doing OK, but there’s a level of confidence you feel when you deliver a joke because I wasn’t there yet. These other guys have been in the game 10 to 20 years. They were telling me, “You’re really funny, but you don’t have a clue what you’re doing on stage. We can tell you don’t perform because none of your jokes are finished!” I asked them how often they performed and they told me every day. They told me about open mics. So I got back and did at least 11 mics a week.
So a couple years in doing these mics, what’s different now?
The main thing was that I got the confidence in my jokes. I started delivering jokes with an exclamation point instead of a question mark. The question is no longer if they’re going to laugh, but how big will that laugh be.
Well, it’s like that reluctance to repeat material. Some comics get sick of their jokes. But you’re polishing up a bullet.
When comics ask me questions or run a joke by me, there’s nothing I can tell them. The stage will tell you.
I told a joke to a comedian in the car on the way to a gig at The Throckmorton Theatre [in Mill Valley] and he loved it and asked if he could use it on stage. Nobody laughed … just crickets.
The first time I went to Throckmorton I met Robin Williams. I was at the balcony. I was just going to watch the show, and Kevin Meaney was on stage. I hear to my right this laugh, and I looked and was like, “Is that Robin Williams?” Then he elbowed me and said, “This is funny, right?” We were just speaking about the bits from the background, just comic talk.
You’ve been producing your “Lance Woods and Friends” shows at Punch Line for about four years now. You always have a great draw and a great following.
I’m a special guy [Laughs]! Whenever you produce something, they are coming to see you. Some people just try and grab people that’ll get a bunch of people to come to the show, but they’ll never come back.
But it’s also a different show each time with you, too. You don’t have an hour-long set that I can nail down. If you had to from start to finish, you’d probably have hours and hours of stuff.
It’s a gift and a curse. I think what I do is good for live performance. I don’t know how it translates to television right now. That’s just another step that I have to look into. If I got a call to get on late night and do seven minutes, I don’t know what that seven minutes would be.
How would you describe your comedy to someone that’s going to see a Lance Woods show?
It’s honest and funny. I noticed that I had points where I was thinking something wasn’t funny enough because it was too wordy. I had to find the jokes in the funny things I was talking about.
You probably have one of the more broad material bases I’ve seen. It’s like there’s nothing that’s off limits.
The toughest transition I made was to be in front of “the hood” crowds. I was always just getting by in those rooms. It took me the longest to get good there. I had to up my level of aggression. My natural state is really chill. Sometimes you go to certain rooms, and you have to grab their attention. When I say “hood,” I’m talking about bar crowds. There’s black hood crowds and white hood crowds. Neither one of them want to hear what you’re talking about. You have to make them listen to you.
Your sketch humor and memes kill on Instagram. They’re really funny. So much different than stand-up. When did you start getting interested in that?
The higher you go, the more you see people ahead of you, so I saw a lot of guys with a million-plus followers, so I’m looking at my 21,000 as measly and pathetic. Every day they do a new sketch … every single day. They’re really good at promoting themselves.
You’ve had a lot of crazy experiences with fans.
I remember once at Punch Line I was on stage and some guy in the audience had a high-pitched voice. I couldn’t see what was going on … [mimics his voice] and he said, “All right, I’ll see you after the show.” I walk out and he’s there. He has a fresh out of jail look. He had a big upper body and his legs were weak like he’s just been doing push-ups and pull-ups for years. He had a style that looked like maybe he’d been away for eight years and he doesn’t know people don’t wear that no more.
Like a FUBU jacket?
Yeah! A FUBU jacket with one pants leg up. And he walked up and said, “If someone tells you they’re gonna be waiting for you, they really might be,” and just walked away. That was it!
Lance Woods will be bringing his “Lance Woods and Friends” show to Punch Line in Sacramento on Aug. 27 and Sept. 26, 2017. You can become one of his 21,000+ followers on Instagram at @lancewoods.
We love Robert Berry, and not just because he’s a regular contributor to this publication (though we love him for that too). He’s also hilarious, and now you can be as hilarious as he is (almost) thanks to his new book Robert Berry’s Big Book of Jokes. This 210-page tome contains more than 1,000 jokes and essays written by Berry himself. Within its pages, you’ll find an arsenal of puns and one-liners that you can use to trick your friends and family into thinking you’re actually pretty funny. The book is available through Berry’s website, Retrocrush.com, for just $15. Or, you can head over to Punch Line Sacramento (2100 Arden Way, Ste. 225) on Aug. 16 and celebrate the book’s release and watch Berry perform on stage with special guests, and maybe even pick up an autographed copy of the book. Purchase tickets online through Punchlinesac.com.
**This write-up first appeared in print on page 10 of issue #245 (July 31 – Aug. 14, 2017)**
I heard that comedian Grant Lyon grew up in Sacramento, but he clarified that he felt like he didn’t grow up anywhere, with portions of his formative years in different suburbs of Los Angeles, a move to Chicago, then a move to Sacramento in 10th grade where he attended Country Day School and graduated Class of 2002. Unlike many comedians who grew up with comedy idols, Lyon didn’t understand what stand-up comedy even was until he was in college. On a fateful day as a freshman, someone played him a copy of Mitch Hedberg’s first album, Strategic Grill Locations, and his life was changed forever.
“I just listened to it over and over and over as I walked around campus,” Lyon said. “I didn’t even seek out other stand-up CDs. I would do Hedberg jokes at parties. I could do the whole album.”
Before long, Lyon was performing the album for his college soccer team using the microphone on the tour bus. Unlikely encouragement from his coach to write his own material took him on a path to comedy he’s followed ever since.
Lyon is a funny, smart, insightful comedian who makes you laugh and learn at the same time. From his first open mic experience at Laughs Unlimited in Old Sac back in 2005, to his victory at Atlanta’s prestigious Laughing Skull Comedy Festival just nine years later, he’s come a long way. He’s been featured in the New Faces of Comedy at Montreal’s Just for Laughs Festival and is a contributing writer and content creator for Huffington Post, Funny or Die and several other outlets. Currently touring with fellow comic Carmen Morales on their “We’re a Fun Time” tour, we spoke with Lyon on the phone to talk about his origins and motivations.
Photo by Darren Rodgers
How did you hook up with Carmen and decide to do a tour together?
We’re both friends with each other in Los Angeles and we both respect each other. We actually got booked randomly to do a show in Idaho together. We thought we should do a whole tour around, and we have similar intelligent and silly styles that work well together.
We thought a lot about going places where people would enjoy our brand of comedy. We’re going to Chico, Portland and Salem. We wanted hip, fun cities.
When you’re a comedian that works with a more thoughtful and smart style and you sometimes end up at places with audiences that don’t expect that, do you ever find yourself adjusting because the crowd just isn’t digging that sort of stuff?
I’ll always say what I believe. I’ll never compromise that, but sometimes you do that thing where you’re just like, “Maybe I won’t tell that joke tonight!” because nothing good can come from it. But I also believe in what I’m saying. History proves that anyone who is a little bit liberal is always on the right side. The most frustrating thing to me about the fight over gay marriage or things like that, I just want to say, “You know this is going to happen, right?” There’s been so much time and resources to delay something that is inevitable. Just step aside and let it exist, because it’s not hurting anybody. I think that also keeps me pushing the envelope a little bit onstage, because I feel like I’m on the right side of history.
I guess it’s hard to find a comedian that’s too liberal to be funny.
Totally! And I think it’s important to say, “This is what I believe. You don’t have to agree with it, but I have a microphone so you have to listen to me.” I’m not ever trying to berate anybody or say, “I’m right and you’re wrong,” because that just makes you a jerk. But I will go on stage and say, “Here’s some things I’ve thought about and here is why I think this.” I think good comedy—and there’s always exceptions, I mean I love Mitch Hedberg, and you wouldn’t have left a Mitch Hedberg set knowing exactly who he was—but I love leaving a set where I think they are funny and that I know them. Someone like Tom Segura or Dana Gould is great at that.
When did you first become conscientious about stand-up comedy?
It was late for me. I grew up in a family that didn’t pay attention to comedy. We didn’t have any comedy records. I don’t even think I knew that stand-up as an art form existed. I loved The Simpsons and Saturday Night Live. Those were my comedy outlets growing up. When I was in seventh grade, I watched one of my very first SNL episodes and Chris Rock was hosting it. He went up and did a monologue, and it’s one of the best monologues ever. He has a joke about why would you give blind people a dog, and a tank coming down New York, and I loved it so much, recorded it and watched it over and over again. It wasn’t until I was in college that I looked back and thought, “Oh, that was stand-up!” I didn’t even realize it was stand-up at the time. I just thought, “This monologue is so great, why don’t they just do all monologues?” The first time I ever stepped foot into a comedy club was when I was performing.
Do you remember what your first joke was?
If you see me on stage now, I’m absolutely nothing like Hedberg, he was a big influence, but my first six months, I didn’t have my own voice. I was writing jokes for Hedberg. I listened to him so much, I literally heard his voice in my head when I wrote those jokes. I was 20 and didn’t know much about the world, but now I do social commentary. I like to take personal experiences, talk about those, and reflect about how that personal experience is a comment on our society as a whole.
OK, I remember my first joke. “I don’t understand why we call blonde hair ‘blonde.’ It’s yellow hair. We say brown hair. We say red hair. I’ve never been like, ‘Man, Charles is a chicken. He’s such a blond belly. Wait! Slow down! That light is BLONDE!’” and I just had all of these examples of using blonde instead of yellow. That was a joke from my very first set.
How did you feel about your first set?
I have a theory about first sets. Anyone who is successful in comedy had a great first set. It doesn’t even have to be a great first set, but it has to be great in their own mind. Some people have the first set go terribly, and they never want to do it again. But if the first one goes great, then you know that it’s possible. It’s like a drug and you spend the rest of your career chasing that high again.
I was so excited and nervous. I probably practiced that five minutes for three hours that day. When I went on stage, I don’t think I said a single word that I didn’t rehearse. If I was to be an impartial observer, did it actually go that well? I don’t know. But in my head, people were laughing and I was so excited that I left my car there and ran all the way home!
It’s great to see someone do well their first time on the mic. It’s like they won a contest. There’s so much fear and joy going through what many would consider is one of the scariest things you can do.
Yeah. It has to go well in your mind. Did I crush it? I probably didn’t. But I was so nervous that at least a few people laughed, and that was enough to make me feel like I succeeded.
Those three people are the best people in the world when you’re struggling.
I started in Sacramento. That was my sophomore year of college. I performed six times, so I wasn’t a comedian yet. I never performed off campus. But that summer I wanted to try it more. Laughs Unlimited had a comedy class. Comedy classes have a stigma among comics, but I’ll never judge anyone for doing them because I didn’t know how to be a comedian. In almost anything else, you’ll take a class to learn how to do something. I signed up at their open mic and I didn’t get on. Someone said, “If you want to perform, you can take the class here and you’re guaranteed to get a spot on the open mic every week!” So I signed up.
Who was teaching that class?
It was Del Van Dyke, like 12 years ago. Did it make me a great comedian? No, but it provided me with a supportive environment to try comedy. So from that perspective, I was glad I did it. It was the first time and I performed once a week.
During my Junior year of college, I decided I really wanted to do comedy more, and that’s when I started taking it seriously.
I see a lot of impatience with newer comics where they want to be a feature or headliner so soon. What advice do you have for comedians that are frustrated with their progress?
I think I started letting go of that stuff is when I thought, “What is going to make me quit this?” I finally came to the conclusion that I will be doing this forever, even if I’m struggling and have to get a day job. I’m still going to be doing stand-up. I love it. Once I realized I’m in this forever, it takes away the impatience. If you’re in it for quick fixes, it’s going to get frustrating.
I’m a comedian. I don’t know who I’d be if I never got on stage again.
Grant Lyon is performing with Carmen Morales on April 2, 2017, at Punch Line Sacramento (2100 Arden Way). You can visit Punchlinesac.com to purchase tickets and for more details.
The Power of the Laugh
Ben Gleib has an almost exhaustive list of accomplishments. In the past 15 years or so, he has worked tirelessly as a stand-up comedian, actor, political commentator for NPR and CNN (to name a few), and most recently, the host of television game show, Idiotest. You may have also seen him as a recurring guest on the Chelsea Lately show. This stuff is all magnificent and rad as hell, but it also pales to the fact that he voiced Marshall the Sloth in Ice Age: Continental Drift in 2012. I assume he made BFFs with Queen Latifah and Drake, who also voiced characters in the flick. It’s also kind of funny that Gleib’s genuine talking voice is exactly like Marshall the Sloth’s. In fact, I’m pretty sure he is actually a cartoon.
Gleib has been considered one of the most versatile and intelligent comedians of his time, and is well sought-after for his take on politics and everyday life. He writes material with a quirky style that manages to be hilarious and evoking; which is difficult when it comes to total buzzkill subjects like the state of our government. Esquire even went so far as to call him one of six comedians who will be the next big thing, and an important figure in a new era of “alt-comedians.”
His wildly popular podcast, Last Week on Earth, served as his own makeshift talk show before he landed the hosting gig on Idiotest. Both of these endeavors are stepping stones toward his ultimate goal of following in the footsteps of Carson and Letterman to become a late-night talk show host. He is well on his way, having managed to regularly share a platform with diverse comedians from Chelsea Handler to CNN’s Don Lemon and forming close relationships with many heavy-hitters in his industry.
I had the opportunity to chat with Gleib about his past and future in the comedy world and his headlining stint in Sacramento, Oct. 22–25, 2015, at Punch Line.
Your list of accomplishments made me feel like a lazy person. How did you get there?
So slowly. It took a lot of time to build up my resume in this business. You have to keep focused and never doubt yourself, and eventually, all of these things start to pile up. I remember like it was yesterday, being 23 years old and freshly graduating from college, and writing and pitching shows that were being declined all the time.
I worked on one particular show for three whole years of college, and when I graduated I decided to write a pilot and pitch it to TV networks. No one wanted it and I had to pick up my pieces and move on. Eventually, the National Lampoon Network picked it up and it lasted three seasons.
Things continued on from there. The next year, I was cast in my first movie, Bar Starz. Then, a few years later, I was asked to be on Chelsea Lately, where I stood for a solid seven years. Then, I was cast to voice Marshall the Sloth for Ice Age: Continental Drift. Things just came one after another and I never really stopped moving or looking for opportunities.
It’s hard to talk to you right now and not imagine a cartoon sloth holding the receiver on the other end. Anyways, how is your game show going?
When the Chelsea Lately show ended, my show Idiotest aired. We have already done over 105 episodes since. It’s insane how things really came together. I’ve always wanted to host my own show, and it supports my ultimate goal of wanting to become a late-night talk show host. Man, I could not be happier. I have my own show and it’s amazing. The whole show is about making people look stupid and laughing at them; it’s my specialty. I eventually want to get into hosting a late-night talk show, so this isn’t a bad step.
How was working on Chelsea Lately? Is Chelsea Handler as “I do me” as she seems?
She’s exactly how you would imagine. She’s very outspoken and whacky on and off set. She’s a fantastic woman and working with her was great. You always had to be on your toes around her. She talks shit like crazy! She is a woman who challenges things and lives how she wants.
You are often asked to guest star on NPR and CNN to discuss politics. Who are you endorsing for the next president?
Actually, I am really undecided at this point. They all look really interesting. Bernie Sanders is extremely intriguing. I’m just legitimately trying to see what everyone is about. Definitely not voting for Trump, though.
Why not?! Who wouldn’t vote for a racist celebrity weirdo?
That guy is absolutely nuts! He’s not one to run for politics.
You just wrote an interesting op-ed about Donald Trump for Huffington Post…
Yeah, for some sick reason a lot of people misinterpreted it and thought I was endorsing him, when in fact I was at the complete opposite of that spectrum. I really said something along the lines of, “electing Trump would surely lead to WW3.” I said he was very interesting and the way that he talks about politics is very interesting because its unvarnished and brings a lot of criticism. When he does debate after debate and interview after interview by saying he’s confident in dealing with Syria and Russia because, “Well, I have such a good relationship with them. They’re gonna love me,” it’s not really such a great plan, because it shows that he really just gets along with the worst of everyone.
How important is it to bring comedy into things that aren’t so lighthearted, such as the filthy world of politics?
One of the best ways to attack truth and power is through jokes. If you’re going to speak the truth, you better make it funny or else they will kill you.
I think people love to laugh, and they can take honest truth more when they are laughing. It’s just a good way to point out things. Everything is just a little more effective when there is laughter involved.
Interesting. So how does your mind twist serious issues into being comedic and still provoking?
I’m quite pro-marijuana, for sure.
Is this your official pro-weed endorsement?
I will publicly endorse that. In fact, the basis for a segment on a web series I did was a fictional movie theater in Colorado that served weed, it was called “Trinidope.” It was fictional … at the time. Six months after I filmed that, Colorado opened up a weed theater.
How’s your creative process?
My process is definitely pretty scattered and varied. I keep a notebook and am always writing down every thought I have that might lead to a skit. I mostly have great ideas in the middle of great conversations, a date or even in the middle of sex. I like to just pause and write it down.
What? That sounds horrible and rude. That’s not a good creative process!
No, all you have to do is keep the lower half of your body moving. You can still grab your phone and jot down some notes. It’s multitasking.
I guess you can use the, “You’re my inspiration” line … I guess.
Yeah, “You’re my muse, baby!” It does sound pretty bad to think of funny things during that time, doesn’t it? Doesn’t seem like the time to be the butt of a joke. Inspiration comes when it comes.
Ready for Sac?
I want people to come out and see the show! I promise to not talk about politics very much at all, just ready to share my weird observations about the world with your city. Also, ready to grub on this farm-to-fork food I hear about.
Catch Ben Gleib live Oct. 22–25, 2015, at the Punch Line Comedy Club, located at 2100 Arden Way, Sacramento. Gleib will perform a total of six shows, all 18-and-over. Tickets range from $15 to $20 and are available online at Punchlinesac.com or by calling (916) 925-5500.
Comedian Iliza Shlesinger moves from reality show fame to rise the stand-up ranks
Talent, hard work and confidence–and a dash of luck–are needed to nurture any career in entertainment, and Iliza Shlesinger has been fortunate enough to have all these ingredients in abundance.
The winner of Last Comic Standing 6 back in 2008, Shlesinger is the only female comic to take the title, though even that wasn’t an easy road. She staved off elimination multiple times in order to take the prize. It’s an accomplishment to be sure, but it’s not something she has ever hung her hat on.
“It’s a cool thing for sure, but I think other people are more impressed with it than I am,” she says. “I would be a real tool if I rested on those laurels and still talked about it.”
While it’s not her sole accomplishment, it certainly gave her a quicker start than others in the field. Still, it’s what she’s done since that’s entrenched her as a force in stand-up.
“I know comics who have been doing it longer than I have,” Shlesinger says. “I know comics who have been doing it for 10 years, and they’re still featuring, and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s the way it is. I’ve had the luxury of skipping a lot of the BS that stands between opening and being a headliner. I’m very fortunate to have been able to do that, but there’s also lot of hard work that I’ve put into it.
“I don’t brag about it, because I know what I did. As we get farther and farther away from it, I don’t want to be the guy who’s like, ‘Remember how good I was at football in high school?’”
Her journey in comedy began before Last Comic Standing. She says her first loves were sketch comedy and improv. She wrote for a troupe while she was in college, but then one day, she wrote a one-woman show, which, probably more so than her victory in the popular TV show, laid the roadmap for her current career.
“I was the only girl in my troupe who wrote stuff, and then it hit me, why am I writing stuff for other girls who aren’t writing for themselves?” she explains. “Why don’t I throw my thoughts in linear form on to paper and write them for myself? I just started writing paragraphs. It’s a weird answer, but I moved to Los Angeles, and it didn’t seem like a stretch to start doing stand-up comedy. Someone gave me some stage time, and they asked me to come back the next week. I just kept coming back and getting asked to do other shows, and it just became something I was obsessed with, I guess.”
Shlesinger says that she always knew she would be “funny for a living.” She was so single-minded about that inevitability that she “just didn’t think about anything else.” For years, she hosted The Weakly News, a news satire show for Thestream.tv in addition to touring as a stand-up comic. Armed with striking good looks and an even sharper tongue, she has recently made the jump to more traditional airwaves, hosting the syndicated dating show Excused, which has recently been picked up for a second season. Shlesinger discussed her latest endeavor, how success as a stand-up comic hasn’t necessarily translated to success in auditioning for acting roles and fetishist Google searches in the following interview.
When I Googled your name, the second thing that popped up was “Iliza Shlesinger feet.” I wasn’t sure if you were aware of that.
I don’t know why. It’s very odd. Everyone mentions it to me. I don’t have a foot fetish, I don’t know people who have feet fetishes. People are just creepy.
It’s because of that one video you did, right? For The Weakly News where you showed your feet because you injured one of them.
I guess, but it’s not like billions of people watch it, but I’ve done plenty of videos where my arms are showing, and people forget about that.
That’s just the one that happened to catch on.
Yeah, people are sick.
How did you get hooked up with Excused and how has the experience been so far for you?
I wish I got hooked up with it. I auditioned for it. Do little girls dream of hosting a dating show when they grow up? No. [Loud car horn] Sorry. [To another driver] For real?! Oh my God! I’m sorry, this one person is ruining my life single-handedly. Give me one second. Is it bad that I believe she should be put in jail for being that bad of a driver? My whole thing is like, if you’re driving and this is a simple turn that you can’t complete, what poor decisions are you making in everyday life that are affecting the rest of us. You’re an animal. You shouldn’t be allowed out if you can’t make a left hand turn.
Anyway… It’s a late night dating show, and I got the gig, and I was like, I either do it my way or I don’t do it at all. I make up all my own jokes on the spot. There are no writers, there’s nothing like that. I’m fortunate, because most stand-up comedians get a gig, and they have to read lines…but for me, they really let me say what I wanted to say.
I’ve seen a few clips from the show, and you really don’t pull any punches with the contestants.
There are things that I want to say that they won’t let me say. Then you watch it, and because of standards and practices, they edit out a lot of things. Even though it’s a late night show, in some places it’s syndicated at 4 in the afternoon, and it’s like, really? It’s weird what will fly and what won’t. Last night, I made a gay joke on the show, and they kept that in, but I’m not allowed to say, “douche bag.” It’s like, OK, let’s offend the gay community, but not douche bags.
Were you into dating shows when you were younger?
No. I loved Blind Date when I was in middle school or high school. I don’t remember, but this is the same producer who did Blind Date. Everyone liked Blind Date. I remember, of course, watching Singled Out. I really liked Jenny McCarthy, and I always thought she was great on that show. It’s kind of ironic that I looked up to this blonde woman with big boobs who was funny and crazy, and now I do that for a living. I don’t think I look like Jenny McCarthy at all, but it’s funny how things come full circle.
Has the show affected your views of the dating pool or the dating scene?
No. It’s such a microcosm. You’re going to get creepy guys and gold diggers and douche bags no matter where you go or what you do, so the fact that we condense that world down to 19 minutes and put it on display, I’m not disheartened or anything like that. It’s a TV show, so everything’s exacerbated. I look for very specific things in mates, and I don’t think I’ve found it on my show, so I don’t like to judge them because different people like different things. I’m trying to be as political about this statement as possible [laughs].
Is writing something you’d like to get more into?
For TV shows? No. The people who love writing, all they want to do is be writers, just like teachers or nurses or whatever. I find a lot of times for stand-up comics, you write because it’s a gig that you can get that you’re good at, but if you had your druthers, you’d write for yourself or do your own thing. I’ve been very fortunate that I’ve never had to take any sort of job in comedy that I didn’t want because of these small successes that I’ve had. Writing for my own show would be one thing, but I don’t really have an interest, other than for a friend or a really cool project, in sitting in a writers’ room and writing for someone else. It’s hard to do once you’ve done stand-up. It spoils you for a lot of things.
Is it the singular control you have over it?
Kind of. I could imagine any writer would be like that. When you write a joke, you want to have it said a certain way, and depending upon your director or your producer with his two cents, the actor may say it differently. For me, I don’t think I would want to have the challenge of writing for someone else’s voice. I’m always impressed when writers can do that. Being a stand-up comic is a weird thing, because when you’re on stage, everyone loves you and you’re a star. And then the next day, when you go out on an audition for like girlfriend No. 3, you walk in the room and no one knows who you are. Someone will be like, “Oh, have you tried stand-up?” and you’re like, “Yeah, I’ve tried, and I’ve bought a house with that money.” One art form doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be good in another art form or recognized in one, so it’s a real mindfuck for lack of a better term.
Sometimes I’ll see stand-up comics who I really like, and they’re in a commercial for like two seconds, but I know them by name.
Right, right. It’s weird. Even just from an appreciation standpoint, you go to a club, you’re there for the weekend, they pick you up in a car, your fans come. You want to go to these casting directors and say, “I have fans.” People ask me for my autograph, and you want me to show me your profile so I can read this horribly written thing about being a sexually frustrated neighbor. Give me a break. It’s the weirdest thing ever.
Is it tough to find good roles for women in comedy?
I think it’s getting easier and easier. I think people are starting to realize that women are just as funny. It’s not about the fact that you have a vagina. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of unfunny women, but there’s also plenty of unfunny guys. In fact, there are probably more unfunny guys. Pretty much everything I read is, “You’re the quirky neighbor who just wants to have sex and doesn’t understand relationships.” I’m like, I don’t really know a ton of women like that, but OK. A lot of them are written in a very similar voice. One network will get a show that’s a hit so every network will copy it. I think women are gaining more and more. You look around at movies and TV shows, and women are getting more of a chance to give their opinions, and I think that’s great.
Iliza Shlesinger will play Punch Line in Sacramento Nov. 15—17, 2012. You can buy tickets for the show through Punchlinesac.com. To keep up to date on Iliza, you can follow her on Twitter at Twitter.com/Iliza, where, amongst other things, you can view daily pictures of her freakishly adorable dog Blanche.
Jackass star Steve-O has re-scheduled Sacramento dates for his Entirely Too Much Information Tour to Nov. 17—20 at Punch Line. You may remember that we did a cover story on Steve-O back in June before he was originally scheduled to be in town, but unfortunately the death of fellow Jackass star and longtime friend Ryan Dunn forced him to postpone. Glad to see he’s getting back out on the road! Check out our website (Submergemag.com) to read our interview with Steve-O. Hit up Punchlinecomedyclub.com or call (916) 925-5500 for more information and to purchase tickets.
