Opinion

Attention Customer Service Representatives: Please help me not kill you. I don’t want to hurt you, but you are so fucking frustrating! I hate to put it so bluntly, but I don’t know how else to say it. I have been rendered nearly speechless by your constant foot dragging, bullshitting,…

I watched the Bush farewell speech. I think I was expecting some sort of an apology, but it never came. I suppose it was foolish of me to think he might say, “Hey, you know, I guess I could have handled some things a bit better. My bad.” Of course,…

It’s rare that I plan one of these columns ahead of time. I like to put them off as long as possible. It feeds my desire to procrastinate; and also, I hope, keeps them up-to-the-minute—as much as a biweekly tabloid can be. But this time, since I knew this would…

Recently, I’ve discovered a new love and appreciation for Led Zeppelin. I know. I’m about 30 years late to the game on this one, but I’m hoping there’s some room left on the bandwagon. I can’t say for sure why or when I finally figured out that they were pretty…

Admit it. Everyone has done it in some form or another at some point in their lives”¦ usually in their teens. It might begin when the boredom becomes unbearable, or it may need no impetus at all. No, I’m not talking about sex or drugs, or even stealing. I am…

It’s been difficult to find anything to write about—other than the obvious. You know who won you know what, and hopefully we’ll all be better off for it. I’d like to think so, but I guess time will tell. For now, the future certainly seems a brighter place. Speaking of…

I’m not gonna lie”¦ after the last two fiascos, I was worried. I had lost faith in others, and who could blame me? After eight years of stupidity, war, greed, corruption, God-pimping and fearmongering, there didn’t seem to be much hope. The world had officially gone to hell in a…

Remember when heavy metal was the devil’s music? Before Korn and Limp Bizkit got jocks involved, even before Poison and Guns N’ Roses started getting chicks hooked on screaming riffs, metal was solely the domain of misanthropic losers who had a boner for Satan. Now, with the rise of the…

For me, Halloween is sort of a mixed blessing. I love the holiday—the decorations, the costumes, its history and of course the parties—but it falls the day before my birthday and my friends are usually too hung over to party after their All Hallows Eve debauchery. Luckily, I’m not opposed…

Using space cakes as a flotation device, we drifted into Switzerland in the early evening. Once grounded, we realized that we had entered a world not seen since The Sound of Music (or National Lampoon’s European Vacation, if you are really down). I’m talking rolling green hills, the Alps, waterfalls…