Opinion

Us old people remember a time when we could listen to music and news on this thing called a radio. There were two flavors, FM and AM, where the former usually played most of the music and the latter was the domain of the talk shows. While most people my…

[Written on Sunday, April 9; Printed in Issue 237: Monday, April 10, 2017] I don’t even know where to start. As we were working on this issue, we got word that one of Sacramento’s most beloved artists and DJs had passed away—Dan Osterhoff, known to many as DJ Whores. It…

I’ve always loved learning how things are made. As a child, I used to take apart things around the house and put them back together all the time. I guess I was just curious about how things worked. That didn’t stop when I began paying more attention to music. My…

I think I’m starting to develop a new kind of stress syndrome. Every time I’m watching local television and a news alert pops up, I jump, like I’m watching a scary movie. My phone buzzes with an update from the New York Times, and I want to toss it across…

Dr. Bocephus Chigger has a doctorate in law and a bachelor’s degree in psychology. He also minored in communications, so he knows how to talk to all of you people about your so-called “problems.” In the past, Dr. Bocephus has borrowed questions from illustrious figures in the advice column game…

I hate spring. I know what you’re saying: Hating spring is like hating puppies. I love puppies, I assure you, but spring can go fuck itself. Sure, the blooming flowers are pretty or whatever, but then all that pollen gets released into the air, and it makes me be all,…

One month into a Trump presidency and the world appears to be jacked. I’d say we were completely fucked, but my editors don’t like it when I swear in the first sentence of my articles. If you have eyes or ears, I’m pretty sure our current calamity is not news…

You may have missed it with all the political hullabaloo that’s going on every day, but NASA announced that it found seven Earth-sized planets—including three that may be capable of supporting life—orbiting the Trappist-1 star, a mere 39 light-years away! Trappist-1 is the little dwarf star that could. It’s only…

Attention readers of Submerge: you might be in danger at this very moment! If you are reading this while riding in a hot air balloon, you may be about to die! Tell the balloon dragon pilot to bring her down and let you out immediately before you suffer a needless…

It seems to be the rite of passage for pop culture obsessed Americans to proclaim that Saturday Night Live sucks now. It gives you a level of distinction, I guess, to say something along the lines of, “Who’s even in the cast any more?” or, “I just caught a minute…