Are you ready for Super Bowl 50 … or to avoid any possible copyright infringement, The Big Game? Don’t worry, you’ve still got plenty of time to gear up for it. I’m not making any major preparations. I’m working that day, as I have been for the past three or…
From The Desk of President Donald Trump Dec. 28, 2018 Dear Diary, You are the only one left that I can trust, Trump. OK, let’s be honest for once … you’ve always been the only one I can trust. The rest of these bimbos and losers are always out to…
If there’s anything that I’m really jazzed about this coming year, it’s the possibility that I may be able to embark on space travel. Anyone who’s ever read this column may know that I have a massive boner for space. Even though it’s comprised of almost absolutely nothing and the…
People say it’s impossible to predict the future, but I think that’s because they’ve never actually tried. Stop being so defeatist, people, it’s easy to predict the future. I’m going to do it right now, and if I can do it, anyone can. As 2015 ends, we should probably look…
If any of your five senses currently function, then you already know that a new Star Wars movie is out now. I have yet to see it, but I was happy to hear that George Lucas wouldn’t be around to fuck it all up again. Lord only knows what kind…
Are you stupid or something? Is your mind actually working at more than keeping you from shitting yourself? Is your big, heavy, dumb, brain just taking up space between your ears while seemingly doing nothing for ya? You’ve tried to learn before, but nothing ever seems to stick. Your brain…
I don’t know how things are in other countries, but I’m positive we have it pretty good here in America. I know things are tough sometimes. We all have problems, and I don’t mean to trivialize yours, but if you’re living here, your problems aren’t as serious as some poor…
A funny thing happened after arriving home from a trip recently. As I drove up to the garage door and pressed the opener, nothing happened. I thought the power must have been out, so I parked the car and headed to the front door, only to see that the gate…
Writing is hard; at least it is for me. With nearly 200 of these bad boys under my belt, you might be surprised to hear that, but it’s the truth. Every other Monday evening, after a long day of work at my day job, I stare at a blank computer…
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