Written by best-selling author David Sedaris, The Santaland Diaries (adapted here by Joe Mantello and directed by Shannon Mahoney) takes a hilarious and sarcastic look at what it’s like to work as an elf at a Macy’s department store during the holidays in New York City. Hint: it’s terribly miserable, and what’s best about this tale is that it is based on a true story. Yes, Sedaris actually was an elf once, for a brief time. This mostly one-man play starring the brilliant local actor Benjamin T. Ismail is currently running at Capital Stage through Dec. 31. Do yourself a favor and go. Bring friends, bring family, just don’t bring kids, as this production is geared toward adults. Ticket prices vary per day and time of the performance (they range from $33–$42) and are available online at Capstage.org or by calling the box office at (916) 995-5464. Capital Stage is located at 2215 J St. in downtown Sacramento.

A local music festival featuring dozens of regional bands will return to its roots at River Walk Park in West Sacramento in 2017. First Festival, whose successful inaugural event was held in 2015, suffered from a poor turnout in 2016 when the event moved across the bridge from River Walk Park in West Sacramento to Southside Park in Sacramento, and also went from one day to two days. Despite having a bad year, organizer Danielle Vincent isn’t slowing down and in fact she’s already announced the dates for the third annual First Festival (May 6–7, 2017) along with the first round of six headlining bands which were revealed at a launch party last week at Old I. First Festival 2017 will feature Oleander (pictured above), a post-grunge act from Sacramento who found great success in the late 90’s and early ‘00s and recently returned from a decade long hiatus; Some Fear None, a local hard rock act with a solid draw; Arden Park Roots, arguably Sacramento’s most popular and hardest working reggae/rock act; punk-rock band City of Vain; hip-hop/electronic duo DLRN; and The Moans, a killer local punk band.

“I definitely think that the lineup is stepped up this year for sure as far as headliners go,” Vincent recently told Submerge, going on to mention how much of a learning experience 2016’s event was. Many more acts will be added to the lineup starting in January, so if you’re in a local band, visit Firstfestivalsacramento.com to apply to play. Vincent is throwing another pre-party on Saturday, Feb. 11, 2017, at Torch Club and will announce more bands at the event, which will feature live music from Surviving the Era, California Riot Act and The Cutbacks. Presale tickets for First Fest 2017 go on sale on Jan. 1, 2017, and will be just $25 for a weekend warrior pass or $15 for single day. As it has before, next year’s event will not only feature live music, but will also have local vendors, food, craft beer and wine, live art, a VIP lounge and much more. Keep up to date with developments at Facebook.com/firstfestivalsacramento.

For the last handful of years, Sacramento-based Alarms have experienced a whirlwind of activity. Comprised of members Gus Snyder (guitar), Adam Smith (bass), Andy Laughlin (guitar), Jack “Joey” Hill (vocals) and Topher Snyder (drums), the band has encountered a revolving door of lineup changes and even a breakup prior to the release of their first full-length, Millipede. The latter two original members have actually left the band and then returned. Hill departed for close to two years in order to further his education and Topher stepped away for a while for personal reasons. Laughlin and Topher suggest that though Alarms are all about having fun together, they are very much committed to their endeavors. Laughlin admits that his family understands that his main focus is on playing music. He’s currently in at least four different music projects, including a long monthly commute to Los Angeles to rehearse with Apathy Cycle. Topher also plays drums for local indie experimental band NMBRSTTN.

As if being in multiple bands didn’t add enough difficulty for Alarms to exist, vocalist Jack Hill currently lives out of state and the other four members are spread throughout the Sacramento area. However, when they do get together they mean business. After roughly a yearlong hiatus in 2014, they reformed and were able to write and record enough material for an album in less than a week’s time, which they pressed themselves and released on their own label, Landlocked Collective. The band is celebrating the release of their new album, Paranoia Now, with an album release show, Dec. 17, 2016, at The Colony.

In a candid conversation with Submerge, Laughlin and Topher discussed writing and recording the band’s albums and opened up about their biggest musical influences, politics and celebrating death.

How did you get started playing music and initially become acquainted?
Andy Laughlin: My parents purchased a saxophone for me at a young age, and I wound up excelling and playing in the Army band, which no one would believe by taking a look at me. What greater act of nonconformity is there than to join the military as a punk rocker at age 17? I knew I likely wouldn’t get any sort of academic scholarship, so I joined the Army for the G.I. Bill, which paid for all of my schooling. I always knew I wanted to play guitar, though and have been playing in bands such as Actions Aside, Outgunned, Our Discontent, Landlock, Cura Cochino, and The Canker Blossom. The latter was my first band started in 1994 which was coined by [The Yah Mos, !!! and LCD Soundsystem bassist] Tyler Pope.
Topher Snyder: I used to put on shows at my parents house in Tracy. Andy’s old band, Actions Aside played there several times. I totally idolized and looked up to them. We became friends through the scene. Jack asked me if I wanted to start playing. Out of the ashes of Our Discontent and Landlock, we changed our name and formed Alarms.

It seems you’ve gone through a considerable amount of change in a relatively short span. How have you managed to stay together with a frequently rotating cast?
TS: Jack has always written all of the lyrics. We had everything tracked for the Millipede record already recorded when Jack split so then we had to re-record everything with Terra.
AL: Music is our biggest passion, so we know no other way. A few years ago Jack quit to pursue a master’s fellowship at the University of Nebraska. Before he left, he essentially handed the keys over to our friend Curtis Terra. Terra sang on our first full-length album Millipede, but wanted to take a different direction in life, so he departed. Roommates at the time, Terra must have rubbed off on Topher since he left the band as well, but later returned as did Jack on vocals. Prior to that, though, I was in a dark place. Two members quit at the same time, and I was stuck with a thousand records I pressed with my own money at a time when we should have been touring to support it.

How did you pull yourself back up?
AL: I tried to focus on other music projects during the year-and-a-half break. Jack moved back and challenged us to get back together to write and record a new EP within six days. We’ve never been about achieving typical goals of success or notoriety, but rather just view it as an opportunity for friends to get together and create hard-hitting music together to match our personalities.
TS: Andy and I decided to write everything in the studio, recording material for two separate EPs, which we didn’t widely broadcast. So people who stumble upon our Bandcamp page will see these older works recently released which few people even knew existed. Once we got back in gear in 2015, we crushed the show at Blue Lamp with Poison Idea. After that show, I realized how important being in bands is for me and wondered how I could have ever quit.

Who are some of your biggest influences?
AL: I learned saxophone and classical guitar at age 12. I started by playing Flamenco and Delta blues, which taught rapid fingering techniques. As I got a bit older, I got into punk bands like The Stooges and MC5. I wanted to know about the early caveman days of who influenced punk and heavy metal and discovered upon early surf rock acts like Dick Dale and Link Wray. To me, there’s no difference between a wild atonal guitar solo played by Kerry King or Greg Ginn, and a wicked saxophone solo of Ornette Coleman or later John Coltrane. Those in-the-moment, not-being-afraid-to-jump-off-the-cliff expressions are what have always moved me.
TS: AFI, Rancid, Murder City Devils. Out of left field, I have a deep passion and love for Bob Dylan. When I was 15, I put on shows at my parents house and was really involved in the hardcore scene in the early 2000s. Two of my all-time favorites who played at my house were Andy’s old band Actions Aside and Bay Area band All Bets Off. Hardcore Punk has influenced me more than technical music. It’s about the feeling, the message and experiences you have with your friends and the people you look up to.

You mentioned All Bets Off. I recall hearing about the tragic death of vocalist Sammy “The Mick” Winston last year. How did this affect you?
TS: I’m not a stranger to death, but it was devastating and I’ll never be the same. I wanted to be like him when I was a teenager. He and I ran his record label, Spiderghost Press Gang. We remained very close even though he had a falling out with a lot of people in the scene before moving to L.A. He died heroically, mirroring his favorite book The Outsiders. He went back inside his burning house to save his friends, which is how the book ends. His death was almost like poetic injustice. I love talking about my dead friends. Through his own experience with the death of best friend [Link 80 and Knowledge singer] Nick Traina, Sammy taught me that it’s your responsibility to make sure everybody knows how cool someone was and to preserve his or her memory and legend.

How has the Sacramento scene changed in the last several years?
TS: Chris at Starlite Lounge and Ben of Shuffle Six are crushing it by getting real quality bands coming through. Since they’re friends, they talk and work together to get local bands on bills. Café Colonial and The Colony will often have great shows. Legendary bands like Madball or The Queers have played there within the last year. Growing up in Tracy, I always felt safe and welcomed coming to shows in Sacramento.

What can fans expect from your upcoming album Paranoia Now?
AL: I read a review of Millipede where someone compared it to Wolverine Blues-era Entombed. I love that band and that record. Sometimes art imitates life’s impressions. When I tracked guitars I played through my Mesa/Boogie Mark V, but also played through a Boss HM-2 pedal into a clean amp so I can get that nasty Swedish death metal buzzsaw guitar tone.

We’ve always been an uncompromisingly intense band. We may not be the fastest or the heaviest band around, but Jack’s unique cadences with lyrical topics from animal rights to satirical conspiracy theories to anti-waste make us unique. However, I’m a firm believer in re-appropriation. The song “Millipede” is basically a rip off of The Stooges’ “I Wanna Be Your Dog.” Every riff has already been written, so we’re in essence paying homage to our heroes.

TS: No style or genre is off limits to us. Our sound is based on the way we put the pieces of the puzzle together. On Paranoia Now, we intertwine forms of surf rock and flamenco, but you might not recognize it live because we play loud and fast.

What are your thoughts on the recent political changes?
AL: I refuse to listen to, watch or even speak the next President’s name. I’m sticking to that pledge. He’s like Voldemort to me. I will not allow him to affect my life. The biggest issue I see is that this change has emboldened ignorant people across the country that want minority groups and women, who already feel marginalized to be erased. If we want to see positive change, the privileged people need to rise up and help those in need. Personally, I’ll be looking into non-profit organizations that protect women’s reproductive rights. Several women I know are terrified of losing their rights and their voice.

Pick up a copy of Alarms’ new album, Paranoia Now, at the album’s release show, Dec. 17, 2016, at The Colony, located at 3512 Stockton Blvd. in Sacramento. This all-ages show includes Rat Damage, Apathy Cycle, Cross Class and Barc, starts at 8 p.m. and will set you back $6 at the door. Check out the album beforehand via the player below.

On Dec. 17, 2016, Golden 1 Center is hosting UFC Fight Night Vanzant vs. Waterson, but the bout of the evening is surely the final match of Sacramento mixed martial arts legend, Urijah Faber.

“Yesterday, I went for a run and everyone was shouting ‘Hey!’ I felt like I was in a Rocky movie,” he says with a grin. “Seeing all of the Sacramento folks get a rise out of someone that’s representing them, is really cool.”

Is it hard to say “farewell match”?
It is. You don’t know what it’s going to feel like until you decide to do it. As a guy who’s been in this sport for 13 years now and always gunning for that title, when you have a fight that’s not for the bigger picture, it’s kind of weird to think about. I’m just getting in and doing my homework and getting ready to have the performance of my lifetime. I’m doing it in a place that’s really cool, and I know is going to invoke a lot of emotion. It’s a monumental thing for me, and what better place than my hometown where I’ve tried to make a name and represent myself in the new arena.

That’s an X-factor with this match that you’ve not had to face before. You’ve got this poetry, finality and all of this extra emotion that you’ve never had to bring into the ring before. What’s it like having that in addition to delivering a good match?
There’s always been these situations that I’ve been in with big fights—my first pay-per-view fight for World Extreme Cagefighting against José Aldo, the first title fight in the weight class in UFC against Dominick Cruz, jumping up and fighting a guy in The Philippines—there’s always a bigger picture. People are always asking, “What is it like?” and for me it’s the same. It’s me as a human being fighting another guy who’s a human being, and there’s a lot more on the line than money and respect. It’s health, and pride, and things like that. I’m preparing like I always have and I plan on performing like I always have with my best foot forward and leaving it all on the line.

It’s the final walkout and the final everything, and that’s going to be its own unique experience, so I can’t really tell what that’s going to be like. But for right now, it’s business as usual.

So it’s 10 minutes before you get in the ring. What’s going through your head at that point?
Actually, the strangest moment for me in a fight experience is right when they call you from the locker room before you walk out. You’re backstage in the arena, and it’s quiet and you’re there with a couple of your teammates that are in your corner. You’re not ready to fight until they say “you’re up!” and you’re not experiencing the crowd, the energy, and everything else until they start playing your music. So there’s about a five minute period where it’s like crickets. It’s quiet and unique and it’s always an awkward time. Then as soon as that music hits, that’s the closest I’m going to get to being a rock star. Everybody’s yelling at me. Everybody’s eyes are on me. Then once you’re in the octagon, it’s just about you and the other guy. There’s such a cool array of things that happen in that 10-minute period. You’re visualizing your offense. Then there’s this quiet, weird time when you’re about to walk out to battle. Then the walk into the cage is an exciting time. Then there’s the actual moments before the fight when you just focus on this guy that’s across the ring from you.

You go from having your name announced and this ridiculous pop that you only see in movies, to starting the fight so quickly. How do you make that transition?
It’s just gonna happen. There’s nothing you can do about it. You just gotta live in the moment. Today I fought six rounds and that fight will be three rounds. So you just go back to what you do every day. As a mixed martial artist I’ve done this for 13 and a half years, and before that as a combat wrestling athlete since I was 12 or 13 years old. It’s a very familiar thing and it stems from the self confidence that nobody can beat you up. You always go back to that and making it happen is up to you.

If your 12-year-old self could get a glimpse into the future and see what this is all coming to today, what do you think he’d say? What do you think about this journey?
It’s pretty incredible. That just gave me goosebumps just thinking about that. First off I would have thought that I was going to be bigger! [Laughs.]

Physically?
Yeah. I’ve always been in the limelight. When I was a kid I used to do commercials, plays and acting. When I was in high school I was in the newspaper, and in college I was on posters for the athletics. Things got more intense and bigger and bigger, so I’m used to it. But I couldn’t have guessed it or planned it out. I don’t think I would have been that surprised if someone would have told me. Those are my passions. My favorite movies growing up were martial arts films and my favorite sports were hockey, football and wrestling, so I’ve always been a combat type of dude and my passions have been around this sport.

The early UFC fights were a lot different, like Thunderdome.
It was a crazy experience. I loved it. So for me seeing this sport progress as it has is pretty cool.

The funny thing is that 1994 is when they had the first UFC fight, there was no weight classes and hardly any rules. You could hit guys in the balls. You could pull hair. You had sumos fighting little dorky karate guys. It was really a whole different animal.

What’s a memorable highlight that really sticks out in your career?
The Jens Pulver fight, which was a big one here in Sac, which was the first time I fought at Arco Arena. He was a former UFC Champion. He was a guy who had beat BJ Penn, the first champion in that weight division, and a guy I really respected a lot. We had a great five-round war in my hometown on national television.

I fought a guy who was a grizzled vet named David Velasquez. I was fighting in an Indian casino. He had a missing tooth and was talking a bunch of crap to me before the fight. I was just a clean-cut kid out of college and it was my first fight in a casino. It was illegal in California and I was just getting paid a couple hundred bucks and a cut of the tickets. I got kicked in the face and I beat the crap out of the guy, but I took some hard knocks and had a great time. It was the early years of the fight game and everything about it was gritty.

Why are you ready to end it? What made you decide this is the right time?
I’ve been top five in the world for the entire 13 years of my career. I feel like my skill set is still right there. I feel like my body and mind is right there where it needs to be. The excitement level is not quite what it used to be. I still enjoy it but it’s not the highs and lows that got me into this thing. It’s really hard to walk away because it’s an easy way to make a buck.

For me, it’s going out when my skill set, body, and mind is where it needs to be and I have a lot of passions that I’m focusing on in different directions. I think it’s time to dedicate a bit more time to the next phase of what I’m doing.

What should someone expect to see at your final fight that’s new to MMA?
There’s really nothing like a live fight. A lot of time, the more mainstream something is, the more dumbed down it gets. It’s kind of hard to dumb down a fist fight with mixed martial arts in the battle to see who’s better. That’s just as primal as it gets. It’s as honorable as it gets. It’s as intriguing as it gets. Everyone in the world will stop when they see a fist fight break out. These are some of the most finely trained and tuned athletes in the world.

Having the adrenaline rush of 10,000 people cheering at you is hard to get back when you’re done. What do you do after this?
I don’t know. I’ll be helping the next generation grow. You don’t get into this sport to get into that situation, it’s just a bonus. It wasn’t the reason I got into it, but it’s definitely an inspiring and cool experience.

Urijah Faber’s Ultimate Fitness’ new location in East Sac has a planned opening date of Jan. 1, 2017, just in time for you to battle your holiday food baby. For more info, go to Ultimatefitness.pro. You can see his final fight on Dec. 17, 2016, at the Golden 1 Center at UFC Fight Night. The main event will feature Michelle Waterson facing off against another Sacramento-based fighter, Paige VanZant. Tickets start at $75 and can be purchased through Golden1center.com.

Holiday shopping doesn’t have to suck. All you’ve really got to do is seek out interesting and unique items that are tailored to the interests of those that you’re shopping for. Think about what they love, take into account their hobbies, what makes them smile, and search for gifts that will fit each particular person. Still stuck? That’s OK, we’re here for you. This year our Holiday Gift Guide is packed to the brim with awesome finds for men and women, most of them local items, some of them found on the interwebs. Take a look, get inspired and if you end up keeping some of this stuff for yourself, that’s cool, we won’t judge. Happy holidays from your friends at Submerge!

Spice Kits from The Allspicery. To take care of the home chef on your shopping list, you really need to check out Sacramento’s first and only one-stop spice shop, The Allspicery (1125 11th St.). They’ve got cute and affordable (starting at just $25) spice kits that are ready to go, including the Italia Spice Kit, Baking Essentials, African Safari, Asian Invasion and plenty of others. Hopefully whoever you gift these to will invite you over for some kick-ass meals!

Rogue Vest by Iron and Resin. Whether it’s worn layered under a jacket or on its own, this 100 percent polyester vest by the ultra-cool Southern California company Iron and Resin will help keep you warm and steezy this winter. Pick one up in the military colorway (shown here) or in black at Quality Boutique and Bru (2312 K St.) for $89.99. Check the boutique’s gear out online at Shopatquality.com (but we suggest stopping in, ‘cause their adorable shop dog Sancho will greet you at the door, and their store is chock full of killer finds for men and women).

Sacramento Cityscape Tote Bag at Crocker Art Museum’s Gift Shop. Show your local pride with this durable, reusable tote bag designed by Julia Gash, an artist based in Sheffield, England, known for her whimsical illustrations of cityscapes from all around the world. The State Capitol Building, Sutter’s Fort, the Tower Bridge, Old Town Sacramento, Crocker and many other local landmarks are featured in her Sacramento design. Snag one for just $28, only available at Crocker Art Museum’s Gift Shop (216 O St.).

Locally Handcrafted Cups, Bowls and Plates from Pickle Pottery. Nevada City-based artist Stephanie Adams handmakes all of her Pickle Pottery goods—including plates, bowls, mugs and more—using high fire clay and high quality glazes. We found an awesome small bowl (pictured) at the recent Makers Mart event in Midtown for just $26, perfect for holding jewelry, change, keys or any other trinkets. Find Pickle Pottery’s various goods at Kitkitdizzi (219 Broad St., Nevada City) and Bespoke (10130 Donner Pass Road, Truckee) or online at Picklepottery.com. Every piece is food safe, and no two are alike.

Stately California Beer Opener by local makers Newton Booth Builds. Handmade in the Newton Booth area of Midtown Sacramento, this beautiful wooden bottle opener in the shape of the best state in the country (ahem, California!) will not only solidly stick to your fridge via extra strong magnets, it also has smaller magnets hidden inside it so that it catches your bottle caps as they fall. Genius. Pick one up for $40 at Display (3433 Broadway). You can often find Newton Booth Builds at local events like Midtown Farmers Market, Stock Market in Stockton and many others, or online at Newtonbooth.com.

Assorted Necklaces from Folsom-based jewelry crafter My Trendy Trailer. Local artisan Karyss Bollen started her jewelry company My Trendy Trailer as a young mom with big dreams and empty pockets. Her incredibly rad designs are handcrafted and she’s got a ton of them available. Best yet, they’re super affordable, take for example this bronze “Birds Nest” necklace (on an 18-inch chain for just $15.99), or this copper and silver “Tree of Bounty” necklace (on a 30-inch chain for just $34.99). See Bollen’s entire collection online at Mytrendytrailer.com and assorted pieces at brick and mortar stores like Anna’s Boutique in Lincoln, Southern Kissed in Folsom, Moulin Rouge in Auburn and others. You can also check out Bollen’s work at Mytrendytrailer.com.

Organic Grow Kits by Urban Agriculture Co. Los Angeles-based Urban Agriculture Co. has come up with a genius way to grow all sorts of herbs, vegetables and flowers via these compact and practical Organic Grow Kits. Each one comes with a pack of organic seeds, a portioned bag of organic soil and a cool-looking container, which is made from 100 percent recycled teabags. Pick a couple up today at The Plant Foundry Nursery and Store (3500 Broadway) starting at just $14.99 on up. Last time we checked they had cilantro, sage, parsley and nasturtium in stock. For growing tips and more info, visit Urban-agriculture.net.

Hanging Concrete and Macrame Air Plant Holders from Its Knot Love and Tufarock. When two local makers come together for a collaboration, what do we call ‘em? Super-makers? That works for us. Its Knot Love (who specializes in macrame, fiber art and vintage decor) worked with Tufarock (natural accents for the home and garden) on these crazy awesome handmade hanging concrete and macrame air plant holders (just $40 with one small air plant included). Check the makers out online at Itsknotlove.com and Tufarockdesign.com.

*******CLICK HERE FOR MORE GIFT IDEAS! Submerge’s Ninth Annual Holiday Gift Guide • 2016 {Part 1}*******

Holiday shopping doesn’t have to suck. All you’ve really got to do is seek out interesting and unique items that are tailored to the interests of those that you’re shopping for. Think about what they love, take into account their hobbies, what makes them smile, and search for gifts that will fit each particular person. Still stuck? That’s OK, we’re here for you. This year our Holiday Gift Guide is packed to the brim with awesome finds for men and women, most of them local items, some of them found on the interwebs. Take a look, get inspired and if you end up keeping some of this stuff for yourself, that’s cool, we won’t judge. Happy holidays from your friends at Submerge!

Monti Beer Tasting Set at Lumens. Have you ever seen such beautiful beer glasses? Probably not. That’s why this set of four glasses designed by Swedish-born Daniele Semeraro for the Sempli company made the cut for our gift guide. The set is available for $100 from Sacramento-based light and living company, Lumens.com. Each glass is specifically designed, one for an IPA, one for a pilsner, one for any pint-sized bottle of beer (16 ounces) and one for any 12 ounce bottle. Perfect for any beer connoisseur on your shopping list.

Backpacking Bowl for your dog from Wolfpack Supply. No matter where you find yourself with your furry BFF, be it miles away from civilization on the Pacific Crest Trail or chilling on a local restaurant patio, make sure your dog is hydrated and/or fed via this easily packable dog bowl from Northern California-based Wolfpack Supply. It even comes with a mini carabiner so you can clip it to your backpack or belt buckle. Just $14 available at Wolfpacksupply.com.

Base Camper fleece hat from All Good. This tri-color fleece hat from Sacramento-based clothing outfitter All Good is comfy AF. It has a reflective patch, webbed strap and would be perfect for winter hikes, trips up to ski resorts and/or just looking really cool sipping your hot drink at a local coffee shop. Available for $32 online at Allgxxd.com or at their flagship store, located at 808 R Street, Sacramento.

100 Percent Sustainable Soy Wax Candle from Best Supply Co. We can speak from experience that these candles from local maker David Churchill, aka Best Supply Co., last forever! We bought a Laundry Day scented candle from him at the last R Street Block Party and Makers Mart in May 2016, and it still has plenty of life left in it. It’s so strong you only need to leave it going for 10 minutes or so and the entire room smells amazing! Other scents include Vetiver and Sandalwood, Campsite, Dragon’s Blood, Tobacco and Leather, Amber Noir and many others. Available online for $18 at Bestsupplyco.com or at various different regional events.

Painter’s Palette Serving Tray from West Elm. They say you eat with your eyes first. That’s why plating food in an appetizing, attractive way is so important. With this artistic serving tray from West Elm, in collaboration with the infamous New York City store Fishs Eddy, pretty much anything you put on the plate will look amazing: cheeses, meats, veggies, dips, whatever. And at just $29.95, it’s a great value, too. Get it online at Westelm.com or call the Roseville store (which is located at 1198 Roseville Parkway, #190) to see if they have it in stock. Reach them at (916) 784-2109.

Catskill Ruckpack from Sacramento-based company Haven and Florin. Military grade and made in the United States, these super stylish backpacks are perfect for photographers, creative professionals, students and all-around explorers. TSA-friendly external laptop compartment for quick access, tucked away pockets, a secret compartment in the bottom for valuables and a “clamshell opening” in the back are just a few of the clever features included in this top-of-the-line pack. Available online for $239 at Havenandflorin.com or stop into the Timeless Thrills shop (3714 J St.) to check one out in person.

Funny Bar Towels at Fair Oaks Boulevard Nursery. These hilarious and functional gift ideas are good for your wine-o friends, beer-loving buds or anyone who might appreciate a good laugh when they’re cleaning up a spill or drying off their hands. These assorted bar towels with various funny sayings are available locally for $8.99 each at Fair Oaks Boulevard Nursery (4681 Fair Oaks Blvd.).

Inside Sacramento Coffee Table Book from local publisher Cecily Hastings. You might think you know Sacramento inside and out, but chances are this beautifully printed book from local publisher Cecily Hastings will turn you onto some local gems that you’ve been overlooking. It’s a photo-driven guide to 99 places to eat, drink, shop and explore, broken down by neighborhood. Grab your copy for $34.95 locally at over a dozen local outlets, like Time Tested Books (1114 21st St.), Sacramento Natural Foods Co-op (2820 R St.), University Art (2601 J St.), Avid Reader (1600 Broadway) and many others.

*******CLICK HERE FOR MORE GIFT IDEAS! Submerge’s Ninth Annual Holiday Gift Guide • 2016 {Part 2}*******

If you didn’t love season one of Netflix’s sci-fi/horror hit Stranger Things, it’s probably because you haven’t seen it yet. We’ll give you a moment to go binge-watch … I KNOW RIGHT?! Now you’re like the rest of us—anxiously awaiting season two, which is due out sometime next year. In the interim, there’s an awesome event where you can connect with other fans of the show, and see artwork inspired by Stranger Things, presented by the fine folks at Menagerie. According to Menagerie’s Sarah Marie Hawkins, 50 artists will participate in the show, many of whom are from Northern California, but will also include some from as far off as New York and even overseas. And the art will be similarly diverse. “We have everything from interactive art, sculptures, fiber art, paintings to etch a sketch art,” Hawkins told us via email. “One artist, Chris Evans, created a three-foot piece portrait mosaic made entirely out of paper hole punches. Another artist, Jessica Filip, created a fiber art installation inspired by the upside down. We’re getting a pretty large variety of pieces.” Admission is free, though donations are gladly accepted. There will also be complimentary wine and beer. Menagerie’s Stranger Things Tribute Art Show takes place on Dec. 9 starting at 8 p.m. and will be hosted by Outlet Coworking (2110 K St., Sacramento). Hopefully someone will have found Barb by then.

UPDATE: Due to popular demand, organizers have added an encore show on Friday, Dec. 16, 2016. The event will run from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. at Outlet Coworking.

Film events are great, especially this time of year when the weather is getting all frightful and stuff. You know what else is great this time of year? Getting in the giving spirit. You’ll get your chance to do both at the Colonial Theatre (3522 Stockton Blvd., Sacramento) on Dec. 3, 2016, when Reel to Real Films will screen the delightfully twisted Gremlins (7 p.m.) and Gremlins 2: The New Batch (9 p.m.). In addition to the films, this event will also feature an ugly sweater contest, a Gremlins-themed art show and an exclusive T-shirt by artist Sinclair Klugarsh for sale. A canned food drive and a portion of the proceeds will go to benefit Sacramento Food Bank and Family Services (Sacramentofoodbank.org). For more info, go to Facebook.com/reeltorealfilms. Holiday cosplay is encouraged!

This write-up also appeared in print on page 10 of issue #227 of Submerge (on stands Nov. 21 – Dec. 5, 2016)

“I talk in circles.”

So says Keith Morris, frontman and founding vocalist of both Black Flag and the Circle Jerks. “The problem is that a story that should be eight, 10, 12 paragraphs, is normally double that. I add a lot of fat.”

But if there’s anyone deserving of justifiable rambling and yarn spinning, it would be Keith Morris. It bears repeating that Morris co-founded Black Flag and the Circle Jerks. He wasn’t just there when punk rock and hardcore broke on the West Coast—he threw the rock that shattered the glass. Four decades later, Morris has seen fit to pen a memoir of sorts, My Damage: The Story of a Punk Rock Survivor. Spurred by late-great “crown prince rocker and hero” Brendan Mullen (proprietor of the long-defunct and legendary punk club the Masque), My Damage is a highly readable 270-page jaunt through the ups and downs of Morris’ frenetic rock ‘n’ roll life. But what’s more is the picture he paints of a unique time and place in music—the early days of Southern California punk in locales like Hermosa Beach, Hollywood and Chinatown. The South Bay alone proved to be a breeding ground for what was to come, spawning not just the aforementioned heavyweights, but also the Descendants, Minutemen and Red Kross, to name just a few.

Morris currently fronts the contemporary punk outfit OFF!, which also includes Dimitri Coats (Burning Brides), Steven Shane McDonald (Red Kross) and Mario Rubalcaba (Rocket From the Crypt). A gregarious and affable interviewee, Morris took time to speak with Submerge while lounging at home down in Los Feliz.

“Catching some air with Dimitri and Mario in Curitiba, Brazil.” | Photo by Rodrigo Melleiro

You read some of these rock bios and they tell stories that don’t seem like they actually happened. But My Damage is totally normal and real. For example, you describe the organic rise of Black Flag, and how Panic [the band’s original name] was informal and not like some serious thing. You weren’t all of a sudden this juggernaut. You kind of just clipped along for a few years.
We were the guy using sign language in a room filled with [the] blind. We couldn’t buy a gig. We didn’t know how to approach people at clubs and say, “Here’s a cassette of some of our songs. This is what we sound like, this is what we’re about.” We moved at our own pace. We also sat around rehearsing quite a bit. Not really talking about any kind of strategy, or “Did you happen to read the first 50 pages of the punk rock manual? This is what you do, this is what you wear, this is how you behave to get from point A to point B.” We didn’t have that. We didn’t look like that, we didn’t act like that. I mean, I did a bunch of drunken, goofy, silly things. I should regret all of them, but for the most part I don’t. Why would you regret opening a skylight in a hall with 800 people below you and unzipping your trousers and taking a leak onto whoever the urine fell on?

It was interesting what you wrote about Raymond Pettibon being the unsung hero of Black Flag and the affect his artwork had.
People will say Chuck “the Duke” was the heart and soul of Black Flag. Greg Ginn was the brains. Greg Ginn was the businessman, Greg Ginn had the plan. But Raymond [Greg’s brother] was not only responsible for the name, but also for one of the most iconic rock images ever. And that would be the four wavering black bars that equates to a black flag. And the black flag to some people means “Let’s blow shit up! Let’s fuckin’ kill people, let’s set things on fire, let’s fuck up the government!” And for some people it just means, “Hey! We adhered to all these various rules throughout the years, [so] let’s create some of our own rules.” And that equated to freedom, and that’s what we were doing.

“The first three vocalists of the first four years of Black Flag: Ron Reyes, Dez Cadena, and yours truly.” | Photo by Spot

In the early portion of the book you talk about the exclusivity and close-mindedness of the L.A. punk scene, but you also describe it as very “festive” at times. What was the balance?
Well you have to look at the punk rock ethics committee. They’ll be the ones that are shaking their finger saying, “You can’t do this and you have to be this. You can’t play with them, you can’t go there, you can’t charge that kind of money. Oh you’re selling a T-shirt for $15 but you’re supposed to be selling it for $3.” In the beginning of the L.A. scene, there were bits and pieces of that. But they looked the part. They obviously paid attention to Sid Vicious and Johnny Rotten and Dave Vanian, and I’m not dissing any of these guys because I love all of [them]. But all of a sudden you gotta make this fashion statement. And we weren’t fashion guys. We looked like we were wearing hand-me-downs. We made our statement based off of whatever was on sale at the Goodwill. So you have these guys from the beach—which would be us—showing up and being surrounded. They didn’t understand or know who we were.

But we had a foot in the door knowing these [South Bay] gals. And we would eventually change the hive mind about us: We’re at a party and we get a chance to throw the Nervous Breakdown EP on the turntable.

It must’ve blown people’s doors off.
Everybody at the party took like three or four steps back, like “What is this?” The influential big players on the scene were in the room. When the fourth song was finished, I was pulled aside by a guy name Claude Bessy, better known in our circles as Kickboy. He was the main writer at Slash magazine, which was very influential. He looked at me and said, “You weren’t supposed to make that. Was that really you?” We looked ratty-tatty, like we would have attended Woodstock. Like we would get in the Volkswagen van and follow the Grateful Dead. And from that point on, everybody knew who we were and we started to move up the ranks.

“Bugged out at CBGB’s” | Photo by BJ Papas

Talk about how you were kind of just hanging out and fell into your Circle Jerks bandmates. It struck me that things were happening whether you intended them to or not.
None of this was premeditated. And the thing that happened with the Circle Jerks, was some of the guys that hung out at The Church had a falling out—Red Kross and the McDonald brothers, Greg Hetson, Ron Reyes. They’re still teenagers and discovering that they’re growing pubic hairs and all that fun stuff. And there was a point in time when [the Circle Jerks] were highly hated amongst all the bands we had been a part of. We were accused of stealing songs. And I’m gonna raise my hand and assume part of the responsibility for that. Because we’re not writing a lot of songs. Our first album there’s 16 minutes of music. It’s like, “Has anybody written anything in any of the other bands you played in?” And I’m not paying attention, ‘cause I’m a fuck-up. I need to get up to Hollywood so I can hook up with the coke dealer, or whatever the excuse was. Like I said, I’m fucked up out of my mind. I’m not paying attention to Greg taking a complete Red Kross song and volunteering [it]. One of the guys from the Angry Samoans wanted to fuckin’ kill me. It’s like, “Why? What’s the deal?” And he explains that at one point Roger [Rogerson] played in the band. And I said, “Lemme tell you what happened. Here, have a beer. I’ve got a little bit of cocaine, take a hoot.” It was all good after that.

OFF! is Mario Rubalcaba, Keith Morris, Dimitri Coats and Steven McDonald | Photo by Aaron Farley

Catch Morris’ band OFF! with special guests Plague Vendor and Kill the Precedent on Tuesday, Nov. 15, 2016, at The Boardwalk, located at 9426 Greenback Lane in Orangevale. This all-ages show starts at 6:30 p.m., with tickets being $20 in advance or $22 at the door. Find tickets and more info at Theboardwalkpresents.com. The same day, Morris will be doing a book signing at Dimple Records in Citrus Heights, located at 7830 Macy Plaza Drive. Call the store for details at (916) 962-3600.

Geeks will have plenty to be thankful for this year. After you awaken from your post-Thanksgiving food coma, you should head over to the Crest Theatre for an anime feast that will be a treat for your eyes. You’ll have two chances to see Hayao Miyazaki’s classic Nausicaä on Nov. 26 (dubbed in English at 1 p.m. or in the original Japanese language version with subtitles at 3:30 p.m.). Other films include Rintaro’s Metropolis (based on the 1927 German silent film of the same name) on Nov. 26 at 7 p.m.; Steamboy, a steampunk action-adventure story by Katsuhiro Otomo, on Nov. 27 at 4 p.m.; and Miyazaki, once again, with Castle in the Sky, on Nov. 27 at 7 p.m. Any one of these would be a great introduction to the rich and diverse world of Japanese animation, but if you’re looking for something truly outside-the-box, check out Satoshi Kon’s Paprika, this writer’s personal favorite, which will be shown at the festival on Nov. 26 at 9 p.m. This wonderfully surreal film is a perplexing and beautiful dreamscape that will warp your sense of reality. Seeing it on the big screen is an opportunity that doesn’t come around often, so don’t miss it. You can purchase an all-weekend pass ($35–$40) at Crestsacramento.com.