Opinion

I have to confess to you, dear reader: I am not what one might call a “Beatles fan.” I know. Call the music police. The generation police. Maybe The Police, featuring Sting. Cue the sirens. Ready the torpedoes to launch out of your yellow submarines. Hear me out. I respect…

Looking at the squirrels in my backyard while the cool Delta breeze kisses my face The purple explosion sunsets look better than anything I’ve ever seen Always lights, from the Halloween decorations in The Fabulous Forties To the Christmas twinkles swallowing up T Street The magic of nature and the…

I realize the mood of this space has been somewhat dour of late. This may lead you to believe that I’m a grouchy, old prick most of the time. The truth is the opposite. I’m usually disgustingly jovial. So much so that I’m surprised I haven’t written a column about…

When this article was born, like all articles in Submerge, it was inspected. If it had been short or pun-ny or (sic)-ly or unjustified, it would have been kicked back for edits. From the time it could be read, its writer was baptized in the fires of critique; taught never…

It’s becoming increasingly likely that the popular chain restaurant, Rainforest Cafe, will lose its relevance with future generations. This probably won’t be much of a problem considering that if the rainforest keeps burning, there most likely won’t be many future generations anyway … Look, I’m doing my best to find…

Summer is finally coming to an end, and my partially melted brain could not be any happier. It was a long, hot, sometimes hellish season, but the end is near. Unfortunately, I don’t have much to show for it, but I’ve been planning a wedding, so what’s your excuse? I’ve…

Was really sad to hear that Jeffrey Epstein, the billionaire hedge fund prick who white-guyed his way out of a conviction for sexual abuse only to be brought up once again on charges of sex trafficking, committed suicide while in custody … It’s really a shame that he didn’t choke…

“Dear Prudence” is a multi-headed beast that has doled out advice to readers of Slate.com since 1997. Each of her heads bears the face of a different human being, and they have all shared in the responsibility of answering reader’s questions for more than 20 years. Bocephus Chigger likes The…

Are you unsure of what to believe anymore? Has the world got you tied up in knots, unsure of which path to take? Do you wonder what your lucky numbers are or which planet will determine your fate for the next two weeks? If your answer to any of those…

It was nice taking off writing this column last issue. Taking over Jono’s “The Stream” instead—writing about a new Sacramento-based theater company with an important mission—was refreshing. During my many trips down the MSNBC YouTube rabbit hole, and wincing as I listen to the latest news out of Washington and…